Page 353 of My Sweet Dollie, You Have to Love Me
“No. He is not dead. He’s not. He can’t be dead because he wouldn’t do that to me. He wouldn’t just go and leave me here all alone. He wouldn’t do that!”
“I’m terribly sorry?—”
My shaking worsens, and I drop my phone to the dirty floor.
“He’s not gone.” I sink to the ground, onto my knees, seeing the wet patches there from all the sadness flowing from me. I know I’m not audible when I pull my phone close and say, “He wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t just give up without me.”
I sniffle, but it’s not enough to stop my snot from running over my mouth and down my chin.
“Bring him back. I’m begging you, please bring him back.”
“I’m so sorry for your loss. Do you have someone who can be with you at this?—”
A scream attacks my throat, vacating from the deepest part inside me. So loud, my voice breaks, and it turns into a whisper.
Bubbles comes rushing in, Nyx following her.
“Dollancie, what is it?”
I throw my phone into the distance, and it bounces off Nyx’s hard chest. Another scream runs up my throat as I push up onto my feet and attack all my favorite things, kicking everything from around the chaise and dragging furniture around like it’ll make me feel better. I stomp the chaise with a soiled foot. I kick at the stack of hoodies I have behind it. I pound at the walls, at my magic supplies, at my aching heart as I will it to stop.
The silent screams drag on, hurting my already pained throat as I fall back to the floor, surrounded by the mess I’ve made.
Bubbles barks, constantly, my anxiety triggering something inside her and releasing her own. Every time her mouth opens, my nerves squeeze that bit tighter, and I want to destroy something else.
I push at her mouth, hoping to silence her. I fail, and she keeps barking and howling.
“Get her away from me! She’s too loud.”
Picking up my phone, Nyx grabs Bubbles’ collar as he stands, leading her back into the yard. He closes the door, locking her out. She doesn’t pester the men this time. She paws at the door to get back in. The noise from her feet and mouth torments me.
It’s too much. Too loud with all the noise already in my head.
I can’t block it out.
I can’t escape all the painful thoughts of Ambrose not being here to read with me and cuddle under the covers in my dome.
The few memories we had on the sofa call to me as I step into the kitchen behind Nyx.
My future Ambrose had never been promised, but having it ripped away, my heart that belongs to him goes with it.
Giving up on shushing Bubbles, Nyx spins around to me at the sink, the biggest kitchen knife I own in hand.
“Dollancie!” He places my phone down on the breakfast table, next to the mess Shane left there this morning, and he holds his hands up. “Don’t!”
I angle the blade inward toward my sternum.
“Dollancie! Stop, stop, stop!”
“I just can’t live without him, Nyx.”
“Who said you have to?”
“He’s gone.” Even the words hurt me. “And I can’t do this.”
With quaking hands, I retract the blade enough to build force and bring it back to my body with the speed I’ll need to break through skin and muscle and the pumping organ in my chest that’s already broken.
Nyx’s rough hands wrap around my wrist, preventing the giant kitchen knife from piercing my sternum.
