Page 251 of My Sweet Dollie, You Have to Love Me
I love you,I mouth, but she doesn’t see it.
My fingers spread on her back and hold her that little bit closer.
The song on the radio finishes, and another begins. The upbeat start of the old tune sends shivers down my spine.
Sweat forms under the black tee that Dollie presses into my spine, and I straighten. My whole body turns rigid.
“What is it?” She pulls back, feeling the change in me instantly.
Her touch is fading away from me, getting replaced by bigger hands. I blink, and I’m back on that sofa, in that living room. Mrs. Bannadosi sits in front of me with tears in her eyes. Her scumbag husband is behind me, and my body is rocking.
“Ambrose.” Dollie’s gentle touch brings me back to reality as she swipes tears from my cheeks. “Is it the song?”
My heavy limbs hang lifelessly at my side. It’s too fucking hard to move. Too hard to breathe past the dry feeling in my throat.
I close my eyes, and I see him again, that dark shadow leaning over me. I smell him, cheap cigarettes, and his sweat on my body. His breath in my face.
I snap my eyes open to a soothing lullaby whispered into my ear over the radio. Dollie’s voice calms me enough to twist my head to her, but tears still fall, landing on her round cheeks. Our noses brush, and I pray with everything I have left in my soul that she isn’t too close to see my words.
It’s the song.I need it off.
Leaving my side, I feel every step she takes to the old yellow radio that matches absolutely nothing in this green-painted kitchen. The distance between us makes my T-shirt cling that little bit tighter with the rise and fall of my chest.
An echo of noise comes from behind me, and I can’t make out what the softer sound is as it rings in my ears.
I need to get out of this room.
Out of this T-shirt because I can still smell his scent all over me.
A delicate touch dares to caress my shoulder. I pull away from it and hit out with a swinging fist. Mom’s small body flies backward, holding a hand to the red mark on her face. Dad catches her before she hits the floor.
I’m sorry,I sign, like she likes me to do. My chest pounds as I look her way.
“Baby, it’s okay. You’re okay.” She pushes out of Dad’s arms and takes a step toward me.
I watch her mouth move and understand what she says, but it isn’t okay. She’s wrong. That song replays in my head until all I hear is a mush of words that blend together. Something about every day going faster. Faster than rollercoasters. Faster. Rollercoasters. Faster. I still see Colin’s wife and her tear-stained red cheeks. Mine probably look worse.
I still smell him over the frosting Dollie fed me.
I still want to die because of him.
I collapse to my knees, more tears dropping, and bones crunching on the hard tiles. The left one screams out in pain, but I don’t acknowledge it with anything more than gritted teeth.
“Ambrose,” Dollie places herself on my lap. She turns my head to a bottle of water in her small hand and guides it to my mouth, like she knows what my body needs.
Knowing what my mind needs, she returns her song to my ears, and I find the strength to fight through my demons and follow her voice home.
Shaking arms wrap around her, needing us close.
My parents stand opposite me in our kitchen, and as my surroundings come back around me, I catch the ass-end of Dad telling Mom that they should probably call my psychologist and see if they can take me somewhere.
“No!” Dollie turns, the sharp movement dropping the water bottle between us. “He isn’t going anywhere. Not with those people. I can calm him down.” Her voice changes pitch, softening from a terror-filled one to something that caresses my soul. “Shall we go to our dome?”
I nod.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, princess.”
Dad takes a step toward her, ready to pry her from my sweaty hands.
