Page 366 of My Sweet Dollie, You Have to Love Me
“I guess I was ashamed growing up and trying to learn how to process it. I didn’t want to risk you feeling the way he does.”
“I don’t. I wouldn’t ever.”
Relief drowns my worries, yet something, some deep emotion that I can’t shake, maybe acceptance, wets my eyes. “I should have known you better.”
“Yeah, you should have.” She laughs, lightening the mood for just a second before she asks, “You’re not gonna die before you’re like forty or something, right? I wanted to look things up, but I’m too afraid it’ll tell me I’m gonna lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m fine. It’s no longer a death sentence. I have a combo of meds that work really well for me, and for as long as that’s the case, I can live a relatively normal life.”
“You’re healthy?” Her first tear falls, but her lip still quivers long after she gets her answer.
“I am.” My hands meet on her stomach, rubbing the area that always caused her pain. Carefully, I avoid her stoma, but only because it makes her feel self-conscious.
“Oh, thank god.” Her lips find mine.
No worries or second thoughts about what Shane said can be felt as her tongue licks at the seam of my mouth, requesting access.
The gentle moan that dances between our lips makes me harden beneath her. The way her body grinds as she turns in my lap, and how her tongue massages mine, makes me moan, too. My fingers, now on her hips, tighten, pulling her closer.
Her hands do the same on my neck. Those pretty nails trailing up until they rake through my hair.
The waiter at a table close by says something, pulling us both from the moment.
Our eyes meet as we break away, both of us staring at each other, with blown pupils and wet lips.
“It was only meant to be a little kiss,” she pants out.
“Good thing we’re out of sight.”
“Eh, if it had gotten us kicked out, it woulda been worth it anyway.” She wipes my lips with a gentle thumb. She leaves her own wet, calling my eyes back continuously.
Fuck, I want to kiss her again.
I want more than I can ever have, but even with that being true… I want her to know the truth.
“Dollie, for it’s worth, I just want you to know, Shane is wrong.”
“I’m not a dirty slut?”
“Fuck no.” I laugh again, totally caught off guard by how she could even think that. “But also, that you can’t catch anything from me. My HIV is undetectable.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“It means my levels are too low for the disease to be passed on. Because of my treatment. If things ever go further than a kiss, you’ll be safe.”
“Ambrose.” Her tongue traces her already wet lips, drawing my attention back to them. “It wouldn’t change how much I want you. How your kisses—and whatever else we do—make me feel. What he did to you doesn’t define you, and neither do the struggles he’s left you with. I accept everything about you. You’ve accepted so much more. You’re still my hero. You’re still the person I need when everything feels too much. The person I’ll need forever and want all my kisses with… and you weren’t even sick this time.”
She’s right.
I don’t feel sick, at all.
Acceptance was the key. Accepting that I was going to be the person she spends her nights—her life—with, no matterwhat Mom and Dad would think if they were here, it changed everything.
“Now, shall we go and have our first date at a tattoo parlor? Before I chicken out and change my mind.”
My tight lips lead her to ask, “Too soon to say that kinda thing? Will it ever not feel awkward?”
“Probably not. But at least we don’t have the awkwardness of wondering if your parents will like me, which most new couples experience. Well, sometimes, I wonder.”
