Page 225 of My Sweet Dollie, You Have to Love Me
Visibly, I’m shaking, smacking myself on my head every other second.
Slow enough to calm my racing heart, his hand closes around mine and lowers my hands to my side.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were in here. I didn’t know you were home or that you use this bathroom.”
His shadow moves on the door before my eyes, and I watch each dark movement that matches the thoughts swirling in my head.
I love us this close. It feels right.
I miss him so much.
I close my eyes to escape those thoughts,forcing images of happier times.
Only one image lingers, Ambrose here in the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel, with the dog who loves him.
Comfort envelopes me when he doesn’t release my hand, long and gentle fingers wrap around my much smaller ones.
I shiver, expectant of fear running through me for having him so close, for having him touch me while there are so few clothes between us.
It never comes.
Shock guides my eyes to our joined hands, and I can’t deny noticing how he encapsulates me, and I can’t ignore how it makes me feel.
Safe.
I feel totally safe for the first time in weeks, months, maybe years.
I lean back into him.
And something about the safety I feel right now, the warmth in his touch, gives me the confidence to voice words I thought would forever stay trapped inside me.
“I hate that there’s been a weird distance between us, and not having you when I need someone to depend on. I wish we could go back in time.”
Stretching an arm above my head, I dare to caress his face. Chalky white paint smudges on my fingers as I look at my hand. Why has he painted himself up for bed? Why does he never just look like the boy I remember, who’s grown up to be the man I’d too often imagined?
My stomach flips thinking of him that way. Butterflies dance in my chest, creating flutters around my heart.
We touch again, my palm to his cheek, and he leans into me, too.
Breaking our hands apart, I turn until I’m breathing in the scent of fresh soap.
Bubbles stays behind him, bottom planted to the ground, not encroaching this moment where two hearts beat as one, racing together, tapping each other’s bodies with each breath.
The fullness of his lips catch my attention as they move, saying,Tell me why you’re upset.
Words fail me.
And in nothing but a baggy cami and a pair of high-waisted underwear, I nuzzle into his chest. Old memories and the scars left behind greet me as his chest rises and falls a little faster.
For a second, it feels like he won’t touch me more than he already has, and right in this second, I think I’ll die because of it.
But I’m wrong.
Fingers fan out across my spine, pulling me closer until my whole body is flush against his wet skin.
I focus on the droplet of water rushing from his shoulder to the tiles under my feet, and I wonder if it’ll get there before my falling tears.
“Shane is staying over tonight.”
