Page 29 of A Duchess in Ten Days
He had not slept well since the day he’d said his vows. The nights were long and restless, filled with thoughts of Lavinia. This was a novel feeling for him. In fact, deep down, he knew that situations like this were the exact reasons he had always avoided entanglements that required more than surface-level charm.
Andrew had been a man who thrived on freedom. A life without attachments or obligations beyond those he chose to accept. He indulged in fleeting companionships and avoiding anything that might tether him to a single person or place. He had mastered the art of detachment, keeping emotions at arm's length and responsibilities to others even further.
Marriage, however, had stripped him of that carefully cultivated control. He wasn't used to this...this constant awareness of someone else. Lavinia was in his mind even when she wasn't in the room. She was a puzzle he couldn't solve, a force he couldn't dismiss, and it unsettled him in a way he hadn't anticipated.
"I think it's quite simple, Andrew," Solomon insisted. "You're just complicating things. Sit Lavinia down, and tell her that Robert is a horrible man who just wanted to ruin her life."
"It would break her heart," he said to Solomon.
Solomon sighed, leaning back in his chair as he studied Andrew. "Break her heart? Or heal it? Because from where I'm sitting, Andrew, leaving her in the dark isn't doing her any favors."
Andrew clenched his jaw, staring out the study window. "She already thinks I don't care," Andrew muttered. "If I tell her the truth, she'll think I pity her. That I married her because she needed saving. And I can't..." He stopped, running a hand through his hair, his frustration evident. "I can't do that to her, Solomon. Not after everything she's been through."
Solomon raised an eyebrow. "And what do you think she'll feel if she ever finds out on her own?"
Andrew let out a sigh and shook his head. "Lavinia may speak her mind, but she is quite sensitive. She's been through too much already, and I'm not sure how much more she can handle. Pushing her with the truth now...I think it could break her."
Solomon didn't budge, his expression firm. "So, you're going to keep pretending everything's fine?"
"It's not pretending," Andrew snapped, but the frustration in his voice gave way to exhaustion. "I married her to protect her. I didn't want to burden her with more pain."
Solomon crossed his arms. "How is she then? Right now. Is she doing all right? Is she happy?"
"She's...keeping herself busy. I don't know if I would call it happiness, but she's found something to occupy her mind. She's started renovating parts of the estate, she has ideas for the gardens, the rooms...everything." His lips twisted slightly as he continued, "She's already ordered new furnishings and plans to make changes to the entire place."
"Oh, that must cost quite a lot to execute," Solomon commented.
"I don't care about that," Andrew said. "She can spend however she wants."
"What is your plan, Hargrave?" Solomon asked, picking up documents on the table that they had been examining before the conversation started. "Do you even have a plan? I mean, marriage is a lifelong commitment and you're only two weeks in."
"I'm...I'm still figuring it out," Andrew answered. "It's just...hard. Every time I think I've got a handle on it, Lavinia starts asking questions. There's still this...tension between us. And I don't know how to break through it."
Solomon raised an eyebrow. "Of course, there's tension. You're hiding something from her."
Andrew's thoughts began to swirl.
Could he? Should he?
The truth, the full truth, could tear everything apart, but perhaps...perhaps telling her would release some of the pressure. She was already upset, how bad could he make everything by just telling her the truth about Robert? At least, it might ease the distance between them, stop the silent tension that hung in the air. If Lavinia knew the reasons behind his actions—why he had married her in the first place why he was still distant—maybe, just maybe, she would understand.
But what if she didn't? What if it made things worse?
He clenched his fists, frustrated by the conflicting thoughts. There were things she didn't need to know, things she might never be able to forgive. But then again, would she ever forgive him if he didn't tell her? Would he ever forgive himself?
"You're thinking about it, aren't you?" Solomon asked, studying Andrew's face. "You want to tell her."
Andrew clicked his tongue. "If I tell her, she might get angry that I made the decision for her. Without consulting her first."
"Isn't that what she is already angry about?"
"It'll make it worse," Andrew explained. "She might even think I'm exaggerating. But then, if I don't tell her and she figures it out one way or the other, she might not forgive me for keeping it from her."
"So, you might not win either way," Solomon said. "The decision here lies in two pathways. Do you want to just tell her the truth and get it out of the way, or risk her finding out and holding it against you for the rest of your life?"
Andrew's gaze dropped to the desk in front of him, his fingers drumming absently against the wood as he mulled over Solomon's words.
He had never been one to shy away from conflict, but this...this was different. The stakes were higher. Lavinia wasn't just some acquaintance or passing distraction, she was his wife, someonehe had promised to protect, to cherish, even if the reasons behind that promise were unclear.
