Page 2 of A Duchess in Ten Days
In that moment, Lavinia felt a sting in her heart. She recalled the tyrant Edwina had been to her all these years after her debut. How she would make fun of her figure, her wardrobe choices, and her demeanor. Edwina's cruel words would echo in her mind for days, each insult like a wound that refused to heal. And yet, here she was sitting so comfortably, holding a child, wearing a smile that seemed to hold no real problems.
Edwina was the reason Lavinia would sit with her arms folded, just to appear smaller to other people. She was the reason Lavinia had spent years perfecting the art of blending into the background, avoiding attention at all costs. After all, how could someone like her, with her curvy frame and awkward ways, ever measure up to the likes of Edwina, the mirror of society's expectations?
It made no sense. Despite all of Edwina's cruelty, the fact that she had married an earl, someone with status and wealth, hung like a heavy cloud over Lavinia. It made her question everything she ever believed about the world. How could someone who caused other people great sadness find even greater happiness?
How was that fair?
Shaking the thoughts from her mind, Lavinia took a deep breath and forced a smile. Jeremy had warned her to keep a smile on her face and the last thing she wanted was to give him another reason to chastise her again.
There were mixed emotions coursing through Lavinia's body. She wanted to get married, but she didn't want to get married on her father's terms. She couldn't bring herself to tell her father that she wanted love above all else, because he would never understand. She had given up on love, yet at the same time...
She was still looking for it. Hoping that by some magic...some utter miracle, love would find a curvy, introverted twenty-two year old lady of theton, at the verge of spinsterhood. It was a silly hope, really, one that she tried to suppress but couldn't quite let go of.
Just as she made to take her seat, Alice Terrell, the Duchess of Ravenmoor, and Emma Lockhart joined her where she stood.
"Are you all right, Lavinia?" Alice asked, patting her on the back with gentle strokes.
Emma raised an eyebrow, glancing at Lavinia's stiff posture. "You look like you've seen a ghost. What's going on?"
Lavinia sighed. "Would it be so terrible to give up on the idea of love at this point?" she asked, her voice tinged with frustration."I mean, we are adults now, and it's all right to stop dreaming, isn't it?"
Lavinia, Alice, and Emma exchanged silent glances before slipping their way out of the party and stepping into the garden, finding a small table beneath a trellis draped in ivy. They sat in silence for a moment, each of them catching their breath. Lavinia knew that if her father saw her here, he would throw a fit, but she didn't care. She was too tired to think about it.
"Good, we're alone," Emma said and sat back.
"Did you learn nothing from my experience?" Alice asked. "You have no reason to give up on the idea of love. If it happened for me, it could happen for you."
Lavinia had once dreamed of a husband who adored her, of children filling their home with laughter. But now, those dreams felt like a lie. "Maybe love isn't in the books for someone like me," Lavinia muttered and shook her head. "Look at Edwina. How can someone who's caused so much pain by bullying other people be rewarded with everything I've ever wanted?"
"It's just how life is, Lavinia," Emma said gently. "I mean, can we really fault her for finding happiness?"
"No," she muttered again and crossed her arms. "Soon, I'll be shipped off to the countryside to live with my Aunt Meredith and her cats and spend the rest of my life there. That scares me. I pretend that whatever happens is for the best, but that's only because I'm scared to voice what I want. I feel so pathetic."
Lavinia's fingers fidgeted with the lace of her gloves. "I do want to get married," she continued. "I always dreamed of it. I wanted to marry for love, but that doesn't seem possible now. But apparently, I cannot change who I am. Trust me, I've tried. I cannot help how reluctant I am to look a gentleman in the eye or talk to him without my cheeks flushing crimson. Also, it is so difficult to be attracted to someone. No one talks about that. How do you even fall in love?"
"What about Lord Brandon?" Emma chimed in, leaning forward. "He's respectable, well-mannered, and accomplished. You're in a hurry to get married so your papa doesn't send you away. He might be our most viable option."
Lavinia grimaced. "He's as lively as cold tea. All he talks about is business. We would have nothing to discuss."
"Beggars cannot be choosers," Emma said, shrugging.
Lavinia rolled her eyes. "Thank you for that uplifting sentiment."
"I see Emma's point," Alice chimed in. "Lord Brandon is boring, but he's respectable. You could try to talk to him."
"I don't think so," Lavinia answered.
"Do you want to live with your Aunt Meredith?" Alice pressed.
"No," Lavinia said, slumping. "But Lord Brandon is a viscount. He's got his pick of women. Why would he choose someone like me?"
"Well, it's either we figure out how to catch his eye, or you trap him in a scandal," Alice said with a shrug.
"That's absurd. I couldn't do something so manipulative to a man that has done me no wrong," Lavinia said and shook her head.
"But think about it," Alice continued. "A gentleman's reputation is rarely ruined by a scandal. It's always the lady who bears the brunt of it. If you succeed, he'd have no choice but to marry you. If you fail..." Alice hesitated. "What do you really have to lose, Lavinia?"
Lavinia stiffened. Her heart sank at the truth of those words. Her reputation was already in tatters, her options dwindling.
