Page 16 of A Duchess in Ten Days
"I don't dance at balls," she mumbled, but loud enough for him to hear.
"Then what do you do at balls?" he questioned.
"I stand by the wall," she said quietly, her gaze now fixed on the floor.
"Ah, a wallflower," he said with a slight chuckle, his hand still gently guiding her through the steps. "That's a dangerous habit, Lavinia. Standing on the sidelines, waiting for something to happen to you."
She shook her head. "It's not dangerous. It's safer that way."
"Safer?" he repeated, his voice tinged with amusement. "You really think standing back and letting life pass you by is safe? Tell me, what's so frightening about stepping forward?"
Lavinia hesitated. She didn't want to explain herself, but she knew that if she remained quiet, Andrew was going to see right through her and he would tease her about it. He had done it before.
"Let me guess," Andrew said, tilting his head to the side.
"Don't," she interrupted him. "I don't belong on the dance floor," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not...I'm not like the other ladies. I've tried, but I don't know how to be. It's been plaguing me for years."
Andrew was quiet for a moment, and she was tempted to lift her head and look up at him, but she didn't. "Everyone belongs, Lavinia. What you lack is the courage to believe it. You don't need to be like anyone else. You just need to step into the moment."
Lavinia felt his hand press more firmly against her back, guiding her forward with a gentleness that only seemed to heighten the tension between them.
"Not everyone has your confidence, Your Grace," she managed to say. "It's admirable, but not everyone can just...believe and it'll magically be."
"It's not magic. It's a choice, Lavinia. You choose to believe in yourself, or you let fear decide for you."
Lavinia's eyes flickered up to meet his for the first time in their dance. His gaze was unwavering, as though he could see right through her, into the doubts and insecurities she had hidden away for so long. Her chest tightened, but she refused to look away.
"Like right now, you're choosing to look me in the eye when you clearly have trouble with eye contact," he whispered.
Lavinia froze, taken aback by the intensity in his voice. Her heart skipped a beat, and she accidentally stepped on his foot again, causing him to wince. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but she tried to hide it.
"Sorry," she said under her breath, hoping the awkwardness would pass.
Andrew's lips twitched in amusement. "Are you nervous, Lavinia?"
She was taken aback by the question. Nervous? Of course she was nervous! Everything about this was unfamiliar and unsettling. But she refused to admit it. Instead, she gave him a sharp, defiant look.
"No," she said, a bit too quickly. "I'm not nervous. I'm not interested in you, so there's no reason to be nervous. I told you, I'm a bad dancer."
Andrew smiled brightly. "Really? You're not?"
"Not at all," she answered, trying to brush off the lingering tension. She didn't want to get caught in any of his games.
"So, what would make you nervous?" he asked, his head tilted slightly, studying her intently. His curiosity was genuine, but there was also something more teasing in his gaze.
"Marriage," she admitted quietly, her gaze falling to the floor for a moment. "The idea of it makes me nervous if I am totally honest."
Andrew's gaze shifted and he squinted his eyes. "The idea of marriage makes you nervous? How? I thought you wanted to get married."
"I do," she answered. "But...I keep thinking of the ‘how' and not the act in itself. How am I going to get married? Would it be for love, or out of necessity?"
"Ah," he said and smiled. "I remember. You want love."
"It's not wrong, Your Grace," Lavinia said. "You might think it's silly, but it was all I ever wanted. Love above all else. It didn't matter who the gentleman was, I just had to be in love with him for me to marry him. I've always imagined what it would be like to have a loving family. A home filled with warmth, with someone who truly cares. To belong somewhere...to someone. It's not wrong to want that."
"But marriage is never simple, Lavinia. There's always an element of necessity. Whether it's for status, security, or companionship, the idea of love can get lost in the mix," Andrew said.
Lavinia shook her head. "You speak just like my father."
