Page 148 of Waiting For A Girl Like You
Laura Jean stopped directly before him, as heartbreakingly beautiful as the day they met. His soul sighed at her nearness, a feeling he’d never quite become used to. Maybe in a thousand years, he might, but for now, he would never get used to how his entire being sang in her presence.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she shuddered as her anger melted into agony. “You have to stay.”
“With you?” He cupped her face, wanting nothing more. “Forever. I’ll stay with you forever. You know that. We have a deal.”
“No.” Her bottom lip trembled. “Not with me. With them. This is a new deal. You have to stay.”
They struck then. The memories. The sound of the gunshots. The feel of Laura Jean taking her last breath in his arms. The vacant look in her eyes when she left him.
And the pain. He remembered the pain. The soul devouring pain. The nightmare of loss he lived day after day. He was only now learning how to hide it, but that seemed to be making it worse.
Until it became too much.
They thought he was strong, but he was nothing. Laura Jean was everything, and he was nothing. Without her, he was nothing.
The notes. The tears. The bottle of medication on his desk. The way the pills felt as he meticulously swallowed them down one at a time.
“I’m sorry.” He cried with her. “I’m so sorry.”
Way down at the edge of the beach where the forest met the sand, a pinprick of light erupted in the darkness. A cry of relief burst from Laura Jean’s lips, and she laughed through her sorrow.
“He found you. Samuel found you.” She reached for his hand, cradling it in her palms. The size difference between them had always been amusing, but seeing it again made Ben feel her loss all over again. “Ben, we have to make a new deal.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Stay.”
“Where?”
“Stay for them.” Licking her lips, she glanced over her shoulder as if expecting something to rush upon them. “Give our kids a good life. Stay for our babies.”
Miranda and Devon appeared to his left, materializing out of thin air. Neither spoke nor came any closer, giving them privacy. Devon had a soft smile for him, the gentle kind Ben had never been able to master.
But Miranda.
It had been so long since he’d seen her this way. Beautiful. Healthy. Glowing. There was no smile for him. Only bittersweet sadness. She missed Josie. Devon missed Simone. He could feel their pain as much as he could feel his own.
God, how selfish he had been. Swallowing those damn pills. A fool. Throwing it all away, and squandering what he still had.
“Make this deal with me,” Laura Jean pleaded, the swirl of light in the distance growing. “I’ll wait for you. You know I’ll wait for you, but you have to stay behind. It hurts. I understand. But you have to live for as long as you can. Live to be a hundred.”
Time was a beast. A monster ticking away the seconds without her in his head. It played with his thoughts, driving him into madness and making him think she was still near. A shadow on the wall that resembled her shape, a whisper on the wind carrying her voice. Idle time and empty memories were nothing but torture devices created by an unforgiving universe.
“I’m sorry I did it.” He allowed his tears to fall. They came so easily now whenever he was alone. “I’m drowning in this fucking hell without you, and then my mind…it tricks me into thinking I see you. Everywhere. I fucking see you everywhere.”
He placed his hand against her cheek, and she leaned into his touch, her eyes closing. “It is me. I wanted to remind you that I’m still here. I’m waiting for you to come home at the end of it all. To me. I’m your home, Ben, but so are they. Our kids are your home and your responsibility.”
“I’m soscared.” Who better to confess his fears to than her? Whether they were ridiculous or not, who better to hear the inner workings of his mind? “I’m scared I’ll lose my memories of you. Time passes, and the years are eating away at the little things. Sometimes, I forget the exact shade of emerald in your eyes or the way you sing off-key in the shower.”
Laura Jean’s lips parted in shock, her eyes opening to stare at him in disbelief. “I’m an excellent singer.”
“Oh, baby,no, you’re not.” He laughed through tears. His Laura Jean could always make him smile. “I just never had the heart to tell you.”
“Well, that’s your opinion.” Planting her hands on her hips, she stuck her nose in the air. “Opinions are like buttholes—”
Wrong or right, he couldn’t stop himself. Whether they were in heaven or hell, he couldn’t stop himself from snatching her to him for a kiss and groaning when the feel and taste of her brought as much pain as it did pleasure.
“Don’t leave me.”
