Page 70 of Game Point
I swallowed down the lump that was suddenly stuck in my throat. ‘I try.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Try better.’
‘It’s not easy, you know?’ I shook my head, trying not to feel that heavy weight of competition on my back again. I was free, right? I didn’t have to feel like that anymore.I could ignore that niggling.My mum’s words.
‘Of course not,’ she said. ‘But if you didn’t love it, it wouldn’t be worth it. Right? Like parenthood.’ We both looked back at her kids, Oliver crying out for help as the girls chased him around the yard, ready to tackle him back to the ground.
‘So, do you ever think about it?’ Lennon asked.
‘What? Kids?’ I shook my head, holding a hand up. ‘I’m good.’
‘Tennis isn’t in the way anymore,’ she pointed out.
I sighed. ‘Tennis was never the thing. Nothing is really the thing. I just never wanted them.’ When I was growing up, I’d hear my friends, my classmates, talking about their future wedding, how they couldn’t wait to have a family of their own. I’d understood what they were saying, but that need to have a tiny version of myself running around just didn’t exist. I’d dreamed of tennis, and travelling and everything else life with a child made too difficult.
It was like having a pet, but one you couldn’t just leave with a friend while you went to Bali for the weekend.
‘I’m kinda glad,’ Lennon admitted. ‘It’s nice to have somebody who won’t be too exhausted by their own to ship the kids over to.’
‘Exactly!’ I smiled, ‘Cool Aunt Dylan forever.’
‘Sounds perfect.’ She took a sip of her drink, looking around the yard. ‘Is he reallyjuststaying with you?’
I hesitated, growing more unsure of the answer with every day that passed.How long did I have before he grew bored of waiting for me?
‘Yes, just a friend.’
‘A really cute friend.’
I raised an eyebrow at her. ‘Your point is?’
She shrugged. ‘You let the people you love leave, just because you think it’s better. It’s not.’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ I admitted, feeling a bit off balance from the sisterly advice. Oliver was here, but I knew he’d have to leave at some point, no matter how badly I was beginning to realize it would hurt when he did. That he’d grow bored of second-place Bailey. A disappointment, always.
Lennon looked at me, her eyes examining me as if searching for information she hadn’t asked for.
‘You have more people in your corner than you know.’ She nodded her head past me, sending my attention across the patio, and over to where Oliver was standing. All six feet of him radiating sunshine and joy, despite the grass stains all over his clothes. ‘You have to let them support you. That’s how you win.’
24
Dylan
Already Over – Sabrina Carpenter
The drive home was very quiet. The rest of the afternoon had been full of music and laughter, my family never letting me have a moment off. Seeing my sisters, playing with my nieces, it was the kind of fun I’d known I’d treasure because I’d waited for them, for the moment when I could enjoy their time without the weight of a competition hanging on my shoulders.
But at the exact same time, their words wouldn’t stop playing over and over, their mark left. The fear of regret battling with my new-found freedom.
Could I really balance it all?
‘Hey, I’ve been thinking …’ I trailed off, his attention turning from the window. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. ‘How did you know you wanted to call it?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘How did you know you wouldn’t regret it? Giving up competing?’ My fingers tightened on the wheel, re-adjusting, my palms sweaty. ‘That moment when you watch someone else hold up a trophy, after a match youknowyouwould’vewon.’
I wondered how many other players had thought that about the matches I’d lost, with all my obvious screw-ups, every misstep, the wrong plays. How many had sat in thestands asking themselves,what the fuck is she doing? I could’ve finished this already.
