Page 60 of Married to the Beasts
“Good point.” We sit there a minute before Rafe says, “This is a shitshow.”
“Yeah. It’s either going to inspire a few screaming thrash songs, or it’ll wreck Conal’s focus completely … though I couldn’t give a fuck about our music right now.”
“Damn straight. I can’t think about anything else.”
We sit a little longer before he says, “We have to get her back, Bron. We need her.”
I look at him. “We love her.”
“Fuck.” He closes his eyes. “We do. We really do.”
HAZEL
My emotions are a mess.
Sometimes I cry; sometimes I scream. Sometimes I take a baseball bat and smash things, or at least that’s what I imagine myself doing.
I can’t go into Mom’s back yard to work out my frustrations, because photographers are perched like vultures in trees all over the neighborhood, hoping for a glimpse of me. The security team that the band is still paying for is keeping them away from the front door, which is one small mercy.
I barely remember getting here. I know I rented a car after Alan took me into town. He tried to talk to me on the way there, but I had nothing to say to him.
Mom, as always, has been amazing. No blame, no lectures, just hugs and listening and love. She asked one question: “Do you love them?”
“Yes,” I said, and dissolved into a crying jag that lasted half an hour. She put me to bed with a cold cloth over my eyes.
I can’t eat. Mom’s made all my favorites, but I have no appetite. It’s like nothing matters anymore. She finally guilted me into forcing down a few bites by telling me I was worrying my little sister.
There's no peace except when I'm asleep, because my mind constantly replays the last couple of weeks on a loop. The good moments—and most of them were very good—are pure torture. I've also come to see some events differently.
When Conal bought me the diamond ring and photographers just happened to show up? I'm sure he staged it, just to rub our relationship in Alan's face. Hell, he probably invited the paparazzi to our wedding and sent out a press release just after midnight, for all I know.
I was nothing but a pawn in his stupid game. I know he's not a cruel person—though do I really know him at all?—and he probably thought he was doing poor little me a favor, welcoming me into his world.I wonder how long he was planning to wait before he divorced me.
Ember calls; Mom must have told her. She doesn’t lecture me either, though she’d have every right to. I feel so stupid. I should have gone with her when she asked me to on New Year’s Day.
She listens while I sob out my story, and then she gently tells me to rest and take care of myself.
Bliss calls, too. She’s pissed at Conal about the Alan situation, but despite that, she’s still firmly on Team Curran. “I know what I saw when I was there,” she says. “Before you heard this talk with Alan, did you have any doubts about what they felt for you?”
“No,” I whisper. “But I’ve been an idiot.”
“Honestly, Hazel—and remember, I love you, forever and always—it almost sounds to me like this is more about your insecurity, about you feeling like you didn’t belong in their life, like you said to me that day.”
That gives me pause, but I’m so exhausted that I can’t really grapple with what she’s saying right now. “I’ll think about it,” I promise her.
I know Conal deceived me; and though it sounded like Rafe and Bron weren’t in on it, it doesn’t matter. I love all three of them, and I can’t imaginecontinuing on with only two of them. It’s Conal I’m married to, anyway. What a fucking mess.
“If you decide it really was all a lie,” Bliss goes on, “I’m behind you a thousand percent. Just be sure before you walk away from something so amazing.”
All I’m sure of is that I miss them. Everything about them: their scents, the sound of their laughter, the heat of their bodies, their humor, their gentleness, their music.
The sex. God, I miss the sex. My body craves the men like air. I think I’m addicted to my husbands.
Husbands. Hah. What a joke. It was all a bad joke.
I could forgive Conal for that, if he and his brothers hadn’t made me fall in love with them.
CONAL
