Page 53 of Philly
“Would it help to talk about the case? Or do you want me to tell you a story?”
She turned her head. They were so close now, her face mere inches from his. “What kind of story?” The mint of her breath invaded his senses. Never had he been so aware of the scent of toothpaste.
“I could tell you about the time Dulcie all but adopted a family of twelve, including their goats.” Her eyebrow went up. “Or the time when Superman accidentally exploded an outhouse.” She huffed a soft laugh into the dark. “Or I could tell you a story about the last time I saw your grandmother.”
“My grandmother,” she said. “Tell me a story about my grandmother. Assuming it’s a good one?”
“Are there any bad stories about your grandmother?”
She chuckled. “Fair point. How she and grandfather ended up with a woman like my mom as their daughter, I have no idea.”
“I don’t think either of your grandparents figured that one out. I also think they stopped trying when you and Daphne came along, choosing to focus on giving you everything they knew their daughter, or your dad, wouldn’t.”
She nodded. “Okay, tell me about my grandmother.”
“Close your eyes.” Another eyebrow went up. “It’s story time, Callie. That means you close your eyes and listen.” She rolled them but then followed his direction, her dark lashes falling against her delicate skin.
“The last time I visited your grandmother was when I went home to collect Matthew’s ashes.”
Her eyes popped open. “This does not sound like a good bedtime story.”
He gave her hip a little smack. “Hush and be patient.” She narrowed her eyes at him, but after a beat, closed them again.
“It was the one and only time I ever went back to town after I joined the army. I was twenty-two and had already served four years. I had no intention of scattering Matthew’s ashes anywhere near where we’d grown up, and I planned to jet out of town after grabbing them. But then I drove by your grandparents’ farm and, well, I couldn’tnotstop. So I pulled in and, unexpectedly, found your grandmother on the porch, drinking iced tea and doing a crossword. Your grandfather had gone into town to pick something up at the hardware store.
“I joined her, of course. And, of course, she had cookies, because she always had cookies. Growing up, I thought they were for us. When she brought out the plate that day, though, I realized that all along they were for your grandfather. Well, maybe a bit for both, but your grandfather had a sweet tooth.”
She smiled but kept her eyes closed. “He did.”
“We talked about Matthew and my job. I was doing Spec Ops by then, but didn’t, well, it felt like something I just did. I felt no sense of purpose or pride or even dislike. It just was what it was. Your grandmother did not like that.”
“She believed we should have a purpose. I can imagine she wasn’t thrilled.”
“She was not. But the more we spoke and the more she questioned me, I realized something. I realized that everything I did to get me to where I was in the army, I did because it was easier than doing anything else.”
“Explain.”
He smiled. “I trained harder than most guys, took on more work, more risks, more opportunities than the others because then, when the day ended, I was too tired to think about anything else. I used my job to escape my past, my memories. A way to avoid facing the fact that I’d grown up with an alcoholicabusive father, to avoid the fact that my mother had abandoned me and Matthew to a man she must have known would be the kind of father he was, to avoid…well, a lot of things from my childhood. If I was too tired to think aboutanythingby the time I got to bed, then I didn’t have to think aboutthat.
“But your grandmother didn’t like that. Interestingly, she didn’t seem to mind that I didn’t want to face my history. That wasn’t what bothered her. What bothered her was that my work was nothingbutan escape. As if I was shortchanging the military with my less-than-noble commitment.” He paused. “No, that’s not right, it was more that I was shortchangingmyselfby seeing my work only as a means to an end rather than embracing everything that itcould beto me, including the hard parts.
“The conversation stuck with me when I left. And as I spread Matthew’s ashes in the Caribbean, a place he’d always wanted to visit but hadn’t had the chance, it hit me. Unlike Matthew, who would have no more chances at anything, I still did. I had chances and choices. Many of those had been taken away from me as a kid, but as an adult? They were mine for the taking.
“When I returned to base, I started looking at things differently. The training and ops we did were hard as shit, but I started letting myself enjoy the downtimes. I started looking forward to Viper’s dry humor. I started to appreciate Monk’s steady presence. I started to accept that the military and Spec Ops was a choice I’d made, and I was lucky to be in a position to make it. It didn’t happen overnight, but over the next year, I changed. That one-hour conversation with your grandmother opened my eyes. Because of her, I grew to love my job, I gained the family I have, and I recognized when it was time to leave and start something new. If not for her, my life would be very different now. No Falcons, no house of my own or Mystery Lake community. She’d probably say I was attributing too much to her, but it’s the truth. Growing up, your grandparents didwhat they could to help me in all sorts of small ways, but that afternoon literally changed my life.”
By the time he stopped talking, Callie’s breathing had grown deep and steady, and her body had softened under his arm. She wasn’t asleep yet, but she would be soon. He didn’t fool himself into thinking he was a sleep-whisperer. She’d wake at least once more during the night, but maybe she’d relaxed enough to slip into sleep for a few hours.
“I miss them,” she said, her voice soft in the night.
He inched a little closer, pleased when she didn’t tense. Taking a deep breath, he sank deeper into the bed. “Yeah, I do, too,” he said. The last words spoken until the morning sun rose above the mountains.
30
“What’s Rian up to these days?” Gabriel asked Joseph. He sat across the aisle from her and Gabriel in the bus taking them to the trailhead where they’d start an eight-mile hike.
Callie kept her gaze on the passing scenery but tuned her ears to the answers. By unspoken agreement, they hadn’t broached the subject of Joseph’s family at all the night before, wanting the youngest Nolan comfortable with them before they started probing. That Gabriel started with Rian, a man he believed to be innocent, surprised her. Then again, maybe not; Rianwasthe one who connected the two men, and asking about Aiden first might seem odd. Although she wasn’t sure Joseph would notice. The man was far too trusting.
“Working too hard as usual. And after Laura,” Joseph said, his voice trailing off.
