Page 40 of The Facilitator: Part 3
I had no idea how wrong that was.
Despite Lauren doing all she could, I refused to fuck her. I would make love to her, I was gentle, but it didn’t satisfy thatitchshe had inside her. The second eggs had been implanted and, as before, and coincidently, she was as horny.
“Fine, I’ll sort myself out,” she’d said, one evening, teasing me.
She sat in our bedroom with the camera on, watching herself with a vibrator. She teased and she fucked herself with it. She came and she coated her fingers, crawling to where I was and placing those fingers on my lips, when I tried to lick, she pulled away and sucked them into her own mouth. I was infuriated and frustrated, and I’d grabbed her, threw her on her back, and made love to her. I had an irrational thought that I’d caused the last embryos not to take.
I was in the kitchen when I heard my name being screamed. I dropped the pan with the steaks cooking into the sink and ran up the stairs. Lauren stood in the bedroom with her hand over her mouth. She held a stick in the other. I ran to her and grabbed the hand, turning the stick so I could see that very obvious blue line.
I looked up at her and she shed tears, she nodded, laughing. I pulled her to me, then pushed her away and checked the stick again.
“Do it again,” I said.
“That’s the third and all are the same. We’re having a baby,” she whispered.
I held her so tight. I closed my eyes and I shed tears myself. I kissed her neck and I held her at arm’s length just staring at her naked body.
Although there was nothing more than half a pea-sized, or less, baby, she held her hand over her stomach. “We’re having a baby,” she said, again.
I fell to my knees and I kissed her stomach.
Lauren dressed and all the time I sat on the bed and watched her. We held hands as we walked back to the kitchen, where I managed to salvage the steaks. We laughed and chatted and planned. I wanted to write up a food plan, she was having none of it.
“Mackenzie, millions of women get pregnant. I just carry on as normal but without the wine, obviously,” she said.
“Only one woman got pregnant with my child after months of fucking around,” I said, grabbing a pad and pen.
She conceded and allowed me the luxury of pretending I’d at least be able to have some say over what she ate and drank. I made a shopping list, minerals and vitamins, water, and healthy food. I wanted to get online and buy books. Eventually, Lauren placed her hand over mine.
“Mackenzie, please. Slow down. We have a while before we know for sure this baby is here to stay. Just…slow down, for me, please?”
I knew I was getting ahead of myself. I knew I had to slow down for her sake, but that was probably the hardest thing I had yet to do in my life. I made a very conscious effort to.
“I don’t want us to tell anyone,” she said, and I agreed with that. Once we were over that first three months, I’d be shouting from the rooftops.
“What we could do, however, is start to plan, workwise,” I said. I could take as much time off as I wanted, we both could work from home, easily enough.
“What we could do, is nothing for now,” she said quietly. “I’m not going to break, I’m going to work untilwe’vemade a decision on what to do there. We are a team, we makejointdecisions after a discussion.”
I didn’t like to be pulled up short and I didn’t likemy enthusiasm curbed. However, I swallowed down that annoyance. I believed I was being sensible. I didn’t see that I was starting to suffocate her.
A blood test confirmed the pregnancy but we weren’t signed off from the hospital at that point. They would monitor for the first couple of months. Because we had an IVF baby, and, I suspected, because we were private patients, we had a care package written up for us. Lauren wanted everything as natural and normal as possible. Of course, she’d not drink or put herself in any harmful situations, but she urged the nursing team to convince me she could carry her own bags.
They tried, and I lied, and vowed to make life easy for Lauren without her even knowing it.
I spent a lot of time online researching what to expect. I was both horrified and excited in equal measure. It was crazy, I was a middle-aged man, but having resigned myself to never having a child, I didn’t take any notice of the things pregnant women went through. In fact, other that Gabriella, I didn’t know any, and her pregnancy had been so easy for her. I didn’t expect every woman had the same easy time so I wanted to be prepared. Especially since one minute Lauren would be screaming at me, the next crying, after that, hot sex, and laughing. Only once did I mention it was hormones and I seem to remember one of her favorite shoes flying through the air at me. It brokeagainst the wall and, of course, that was my fault. I’d picked up my car keys, drove into London, and bought another pair.
If I said the mood swings didn’t stress me out, I’d be lying. I bit my tongue so much I drew blood. I took myself out of the situation as much as I could, and I hugged Lauren constantly, reassuring her that I wasn’t going to leave her and I loved her.
I thanked all my lucky stars that settled after the first month.
We were walking around a store, looking at baby items, even though we had forbade ourselves from doing so until after three months. However, Lauren was just a week away from that date and we had plans for a pregnancy reveal. We were both excited.
“This looks amazing,” I said, walking over to a crib. I turned when I realized Lauren wasn’t with me.
She stood just a few paces away and she was ashen. Sweat had formed on her face and her jaw was clenched so tight I could see her muscles through her cheeks. She held her hands over her stomach; her knuckles were white where she gripped. She leaned forward just a little. I rushed to her.
“Lauren?” I said. I looked around the store andcaught the eye of a saleswoman. I called for help. “Please can you get my wife a chair?”
