Page 31 of The Facilitator: Part 3
I held her hand and felt it shake in mine. I opened the door, switched off the alarm, and then walked straight to the kitchen. I stopped by the kitchen table.
“Mackenzie, please tell me now,” she said, anxiety caused her voice to be higher pitched than normal.
“I have sperm. Live sperm,” I said. I didn’t look at her at first.
“You have…?”
Finally, I looked up. “I have live sperm. It can be extracted through an operation and wemightbe able to have IVF.Might,” I reiterated.
“Start at the very beginning,” she said. She rose and pulled out a chair for me to sit. She went to the fridge and grabbed an open bottle of white wine. She poured two glasses then sat again. “From theveryvery beginning,” she said.
I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I have obstructive something or the other. It means sperm can’t travel to the urethra because of scar tissue. In addition, I have a low, to nonexistent, sperm production. So we thought. I did a test today because…I needed to know, Lauren, if I can give you a child.” I took a sip of my wine, looking at her.
“When did this start?” she asked, quietly.
At first I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m kidding myself. When Gabriella got pregnant, when I saw the look in your eyes, your desire for your own child—”
“Hold on,” she said, interrupting me. I held up my hand, not to be arrogant, but I needed to get these words out.
“Since I had the desire, after seeing Dominic, to father a child. I haven’t thought about much else since Gabriella announced she was pregnant. I saw the look on Alex’s face and my heart fucking constricted, Lauren. I didn’t think I was bothered. I’d conditioned myself not to care, but that’s all changed. You came along, I love you, and I want a child with you.” The words tumbled from my mouth.
“You want? You’re not just thinking I want?” she asked, and in my fuzzled brain her question startled me.
“You want a child with me, don’t you? I mean…I thought…”
“Mackenzie, breathe,” she said, placing her hand over mine. I snatched it away.
“Did you know, I could have corrective surgery a long time ago? Some sperm and it might not be many and they might not be great could have been released but no one told me. No one fucking told me shit,” I said, sliding my chair back and standing. I paced the kitchen. “I’ve gone all these years, Lauren, living a lie and being told one as well. I’m going sue, I’m going to fucking ruin those doctors.”
She stood and walked over to me, blocking my route to the back door. She placed her hands on my arms.
“Mackenzie, look at me,” she said. I finally did. “Shush. Sit,” she said, guiding me back to the chair. I didand then let my head fall to the arms I crossed on the table.
She rubbed my back, as if comforting a child, and I chuckled bitterly at the irony.
“Hey,” she said, quietly. I looked up. “I love you more than anything. I’d love a child with you, but I also don’t care if it doesn’t happen, okay? This is going to be hard to explain. Of course, when I saw Dominic my heart constricted also. That’s a woman’s maternal instinct kicking in. Instinct, Mackenzie. If there is the chance of IVF, you can bet your arse we’re going for it, but I need to know that you will cope if it fails because there is a high rate it might.”
I stared at her. “Jesus, I should be saying this to you,” I said, I then pulled her to me. I kissed her head. “What the fuck…?” I started to laugh and released her. “We have live sperm,” I said, with an incredulous tone to my voice.
She laughed. “No,youhave live sperm. What happened in the clinic and what happens next?”
I told her about the morning and that we’d be invited to meet with the professor. She didn’t question the secrecy behind what I’d done but she did tell me that, if we were serious about IVF, she didn’t want me suing God knows who at the same time. She didn’t want the stress.
“I can’t believe it, Lauren, I think I’m in shock,” I said.
“I bet. Jesus, Mackenzie. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because if it was an absolute no I didn’t want to upset you,” I said.
“Tell me again what he said?”
I repeated what Sam had said about the Micro-TESE. I also told her that I’d asked if sperm could be ejaculated naturally and the reason why I’d asked. She raised her eyebrows in surprise.
“We need to research IVF,” I said.
She placed her hand over mine and I knew there was a ‘but’ coming. “I might not be a candidate, a lot can go wrong, Mackenzie. Let’s have the appointment and I’m assuming I’ll have to go through some testing before we know. Again, I don’t want you disappointed if it’s a no,” she said.
“Then we adopt. If you want to,” I said.
