Page 87 of What's the time, Mr. Wolfe
“Thank you for doing this for me,” I said, as we grabbed a table.
“I wouldn’t let you do this alone, Ruby.” She reached for the two menus propped up between the salt and pepper grinders.
I chose a good old fashioned English breakfast, despite the time, and she chose a sandwich.
“The funeral is going to be strange. There is literally like, five people going,” I said, listing off those who had been invited. “They’ll be more pall bearers than guests.”
I chuckled at the thought. “She isn’t here to know otherwise, is she?” Monica replied.
“Can I talk to you about Sebastian? I don’t have anyone else I can talk to.”
While we waited for our food, I spoke.
“He’s a lot older than me, as you know. His friend, the guy that dropped me off today, said something interesting and I’m not sure that I should have been told it.”
I then preceded to tell her about Sebastian offering himself to save the younger kids and how the abusers were so much older.
“I just don’t know what it is we have. It’s early days, but so intense already.”
“Does that bother you?” she asked.
“No, nor does the age gap. I said to him, being with him allows me space to breathe. I know that sounds strange, but for years I’ve had so much on my mind. You know, like, how to pay bills, what to feed Grandma, how to ask for help. I don’t have to do any of that. I don’t have to ask for anything, either. It’s odd, but I think he understands it.” I chuckled as I recalled a memory. “I even asked him if he was a shapeshifter because he’s so... out of this world?”
“Out of this world?” Monica laughed.
“No, not out of this world... intuitive to my needs. That’s the right term.”
“It’s a good thing, isn’t it?” she asked.
“Yeah. But strange.”
“Only strange because you’ve never had anyone in your life who wanted to care for you.”
We fell silent while our food was delivered, and I opened the can of cold Coke that was handed over.
“What about the abuse stuff? How do I deal with that?”
“What is there for you to deal with?”
Ithought for a moment. “Nothing really, but I need to be supportive.”
“Ruby, you arethemost caring and selfless person I know. Have ever known. You couldn’t not be supportive. When the time comes, and you’ll know when it does, you’ll also, instinctively, know what to do.”
“Also, he’s very... alpha, if you know what I mean.” I felt my cheeks redden.
“I imagine he is. He’s controlling every aspect of his life, not allowing anyone else to. He had no control over his childhood, even if he willingly gave himself to others. I would also expect that to follow into the bedroom. You need to be careful you don’t fall into a relationship where he is over controlling, to the point of being an abuser himself.”
“I hadn’t thought of it that way. I don’t think he’d ever abuse me. I feel safe, even when I’m apprehensive about things.” I didn’t want to detail whatthingsI was talking about.
Monica nodded as if she understood. “The only advice I can give you is this. You’re taking on a man who has lived a terrifying life, one we could never fully understand. It will affect him all the way through his life, no matter what he says. You need to be prepared. If you take on someone like Sebastian, you going to get all his insecurities, his fears, hisalphaas you call it, because that’s the only way he knows how to survive. For you,having met him, he’s giving you respite from yourself, from your brain. Maybe, you’ll get to a point where you can do the same for him.”
I stared at her. I’d known Monica for a few years, firstly just as Grandma’s carer supplied by the local council, but then as a friend. Those were the wisest words she’d ever said. I placed my hand over hers and squeezed. Then went back to eating, I was starving.
Back at the house, we filled Monica’s boot and back seat with stuff. She left to drop off the items at the local charity shop, promising to call me the following day. I wandered from room-to-room cleaning and inspecting. The washing was done, and I placed all the bedding in the tumble and some, I hung over the banister. It gave the house and a nice smell.
I moved to my bedroom after.
I’d only just cleaned the room prior to spending the weekend with Sebastian. I fluffed up the pillows and placed a couple of read books I’d read back on the shelf. I opened my wardrobe; another sparse area, but I’d never needed much. I picked up my red hoodie and held it to my face. That jumper had been a staple in my life, as silly as it sounded. It had been a shield, I could put the hood up, lower my head and no one knew if I was female or male. It kept me warm. It was threadbare slightly on the elbows and the string that threaded through the hood had long been lost.
