Page 103 of What's the time, Mr. Wolfe
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a squareblack box. I held my breath as he opened it. Inside sat a beautiful diamond bracelet. I’d seen similar in magazines; a tennis bracelet I think they’d been called at one point.
He took it from the case and opened the clasp. “Yes, or no?” He smirked at me.
“Yes! Bloody hell, Sebastian!” I held out my arm and he fixed the bracelet around my wrist.
He twisted it so the clasp was underneath, and I angled my wrist in all directions to look at the beautiful piece. I’d never worn much jewellery. I had my ears pierced and I’d occasionally wear a selection of silver rings. But with the work I’d done in the past, I was always removing them.
“Shit,” I said. “Diego.”
“Who?”
“My old boss. He was a friend of my grandma, and I haven’t told him about her yet.”
“I’m sure you can do that tomorrow. For now, do you want to come home, or back to the flat.”
I loved the way he saidhome. He was myhome. It didn’t matter where he was, what property I was in, as long as he was with me.
“Home, with you.”
He smiled and paid the bill. “What about dessert?” I asked.
“You are my dessert, and if you want ice cream, I have a freezer full.”
He led me back to the car.
It felt surreal in one way. We arrived home and only then did I feel the urge to talk about what I’d witnessed.
“Can we talk for a moment?” I asked.
“I don’t know if I like the sound of that. Do I need wine?”
“I do, if you want to pour.”
He grabbed an opened bottle of wine from the fridge and poured two glasses. We sat in the living room.
“How does it feel to beat a man?”
Sebastian frowned at me. “Any old man, or that man?”
“That man.”
“Satisfying, Ruby. Cleansing. Every punch I deliver, every inch of skin I open, every drop of blood I help spill, cleanses me. It removes some of the hatred and dirtiness inside. I’m not sorry for what I’ve done in my lifetime. I’ve taken a man’s life, maybe others haven’t survived my justice, but I don’t care. Once I’ve dealt with them, they’re ticked off a list and that’s it. I don’t think about them.”
“No nightmares?”
“I lived a nightmare while awake, Ruby. I don’t dream when I sleep, and night is when I get respite from themonsters in the closets.”
“And now I’m making you talk about it,” I said, gently.
“This will be the only time I do, and only because you deserve to know this about me. I was sexually abused from the age of three until about twelve when I could fight back. I was physically and physiologically abused as well. I have spent many hours with therapists and none of them helped. The only thing that calms me is knowing I am removing the scum from the streets. That brand of therapy is all I need. And you, Ruby. I need you. You ground me. You remind me there is a life that isn’t all about a desire to kill. I know how I feel about you, although I can’t articulate it. I can’t say those words because I was made to say them to men who fucked me. All I can do is show you how I feel.”
I swallowed back sobs that built in my chest.
“All I can do is carry on doing the same thing. I can’t change. I don’t want to. I can’t stop being the man I am because I spent too long a time becoming him. I have walls, thick walls. But maybe there are a few gaps, and you have managed to get in one.”
He leaned towards me and smoothed hair from my forehead.
“You have gotten to me in ways no one else ever has. At first, I didn’t like it because of your age. Now, I understand. You are way older and wiser than your years and I want you in my life. I want you to live herewith me. I want ourpretend marriage.” He chuckled at his words. “Soon, I want that to be for real.”
