Page 98 of Finding Jacob
“No, that’s about right.”
“Can he remember everything that happened?” Dory asked.
Nathan nodded. “Yeah, he had some memory loss initially, but that seems to have reset itself.”
I wasn’t aware of any memory loss at any point, and I stared at Nathan in the mirror. He avoided my eye.
“Does he remember me and Paloma?” I asked, not wanting to know the answer.
For a moment, he didn’t answer. “He does now,” he said.
“But he didn’t initially?” He shook his head. “Was that why he was strange with me when I first visited?” I asked.
“Yeah, I guess so. He wasn’t exactly talking much to me, either. He knows who you are, Anna, and Paloma. I’m guessing, and this is just my mind working here, he has to reconnect with his feelings, and he can’t do that all the time he’s in the level of pain he is. It’s all-consuming for him.”
“Have you seen him in rehab?” I asked.
“Once. And then he sent me away as well.” He stared too intently, and I knew he had just lied to me.
“One more time than me, then,” I said, scoffing and knowing full well how entitled I sounded.
“He’s having lots of therapy and I know for a fact he reads all your text messages.”
I nodded, at least he confirmed that. “If I give you something, can you get it to him?” I asked.
Nathan nodded. “I’m sorry, Anna, if I could do this any other way, I would. I can’t bear seeing how hurt you are and all I want to do is shake him. But he can’t help himself right now.”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I squeezed the hand that had just found mine. Dory leaned towards me and kissed my cheek. “He’ll be back, Anna, I just know it.”
I wasn’t as sure as everyone else around me.
Later that evening, I gave Nathan a copy of a selfie I’d taken with Paloma. I wanted him to have that beside his bed so he could remember what we looked like.
“Guilty.”
I doubled over and was held up by Nathan. The lead juror had read out the charge after being prompted by the judge. They had found her guilty. Nathan, Dory, and I stood in a room off the courtroom, having been alerted by the police that the jury was expected to deliver their verdict that day. We’d been sitting in a coffee house around the corner waiting to be called in.
Hannah screamed that she wasn’t. She started to pull away from the legal team holding her, enough so a court official had to restrain her. She was led away; she’d be sentenced another time. I didn’t care what she got, prison time wise, I was just grateful she was made to understand it was her actions that had caused it all.
I was led from the room to Nathan’s car, and I was grateful for his strength. I didn’t feel I could have walked myself. Dory wasn’t coming home with us; she had some engagement she needed to attend. I hugged her, wept all over her cream jacket, and waved goodbye.
I sank into the plush leather seat of the car and kicked off my shoes. I took a breath, a deep, lung-expanding one and then sighed.
“I can’t wait to get home,” I said, and for the first time, I felt like it was my home.
I closed my eyes. At least that part of my life was done with. No more police statements, meetings, or court dates being changed. No more stressful nights going over events in my mind and conjuring up answers in preparation for being questioned.
I flexed my bare feet in the carpet and rested back in the chair.
“Shall we celebrate?” Nathan asked.
I turned to him and smiled. “Why not. What haven’t we done in a long time?”
“Gone out for dinner?”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
Sadie had transformed into the best nanny anyone could ask for. All the days I’d had to spend in court or in meetings regarding the case, she’d taken care of Paloma. I hated to be away from my daughter, but I also accepted there were things out of my control, and I didn’t have a partner to help.
