Page 89 of Finding Jacob
I was left to sit with Jacob for a little longer and kept my hand on his chest. “Can you feel me, Jacob? I’m holding your heart. I have you, baby. I’m not letting go, okay? I’ll do whatever is needed for you.”
I meant every word.
The following day I was back with Jacob. I wasn’t in the room when they started to reduce his medication, but I could see through the window. He was distressed and I closed my eyes. He reached for the breathing tube, trying to pull it from his mouth until his arms were held down. He groaned, and I was pleased to hear that sound. But he kept his eyes closed. When he was free of some of the tubing, I was allowed in.
“Hey, baby, it’s me,” I said, sitting beside him. I wasn’t on my own, though. Two nurses and a doctor stood by, monitoring him.
“It’s good to see you waking up. I have a photo of Paloma to show you, you’re going to fall in love immediately, I just know it.”
There was no reaction just a slight rasp to his breathing. I looked at one of the nurses.
“His throat will probably be sore for a little while. You can wet his lips if you like,” she said, pointing to a small jar on the bedside table.
I lifted a stick with a small sponge on the end and wiped it over his lips to soften them. I kissed him gently. He still didn’t respond.
It was another hour later that his eyelids moved. His eyes shifted from side to side, and he parted his lips. Although he didn’t speak, it looked to me like an attempt to.
“Take your time, Jacob,” I said, running my hand up and down his arm.
A few minutes later, he did open his eyes. He didn’t look at me, though, just stared straight ahead. He blinked and squinted as if trying to clear his sight of fogginess.
“Welcome back, Jacob. Can you hear me?” the doctor asked.
There was a slight nod of the head. “That’s good, good man,” he said.
As the minutes ticked on, so he became more aware of his surroundings. He winced when his skin was pinched, indicating he could feel pain. He blinked when instructed to do so, he could respond to commands, and he gripped my hand when I talked. He knew I was there.
Tears ran down my face. So far, it was all good. What he couldn’t do was move his legs or arms, but one was broken, and he was probably too exhausted at that point.
I was told he needed to rest now. I kissed his lips before I left and I thought, for a moment, he could see me. His eyes followed my movement. I prayed he understood it was me before him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Jacob, okay?” I didn’t want to leave him, but I had to get back to Paloma.
Nathan stood outside and I filled him in. He hadn’t been allowed in the room that day, had it been anywhere else, I wasn’t sure I’d be allowed in there, either.
I went back and forth for the next couple of days, three times a day. I sat with Jacob as he became more conscious. I watched as physios and doctors worked on his limbs and tested for any lasting brain damage.
Although he acknowledged me, he was yet to smile or speak. He could talk, I was told, but his vocal cords were damaged from the tubing. I wasn’t sure that was normal but didn’t question it. Everything was slow going and it was exhausting.
I had to miss a week, as I’d developed a small infection, I was told. It gutted me to not be with Jacob or Paloma. Thankfully, it was short lived.
When I could resume visiting him, I found him sitting up. “Hello, you,” I said, brightly as I did every time I visited.
“Hey,” he replied, and I stopped in my tracks. His voice was hoarse.
“You’re talking,” I said, surprised.
“Since yesterday, apparently,” he replied.
I sat on the chair beside his bed and took his hand in mine. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been run over by a car.” He gave me a small smile. “Not good, Anna, mentally.”
“I can imagine that. You must take your time to heal,” I said gently.
He nodded and closed his eyes. I let him rest, gently stroking his arm. I was told to expect depression and I was ready for it. I wasn’t ready for his disinterest in his daughter, though.
I had tried to show him a photograph and although he looked at it, he didn’t respond in any way.
