Page 46 of Finding Jacob
“I didn’t think you’d be drinking coffee,” he said, handing me the tea.
I sipped it, not reminding him that tea and coffee both contained caffeine. “What happens now?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’ve got contacts in the Met, I’ll ask around, see if anyone thinks anything is suspicious. Other than that, I don’t think there’s much I can do.”
“Do you think is has anything to do with the prince?”
Again, he shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. He’s releasing a statement later today. Probably got his press team shitting themselves right now.”
“Should I call her parents?” I wasn’t sure why I asked the question, but I felt so indecisive of late. I hoped it was ‘baby brain’ rather than me losing my touch.
“I would. Don’t know if they’ll talk to you, though.”
It wasn’t a secret that Jules’s parents blamed the modelling industry, my company, designers, everyone other than themselves, on her drug and drink excess. Only I, and my sister, knew the truth. She had been abused by an uncle and made to cover it up for the sake of appearances by her mother. It was that, which turned her to whatever numbing she could find.
I grabbed some biscuits to quell the sudden nausea and we set off to the office.
“How did the wedding go?” Nathan asked. I then realised I hadn’t spoken to him about it.
“Oh my God, you don’t know, do you?” I gave him a detailed account of everything that went down.
“I did hear from him. What a way for the guy to find out. Did he go ballistic?”
“Ballistic? No. Does he normally goballisticat things?” I asked.
“He has a temper, but you know what I mean.”
I then told him how Jacob had reacted. “He was upset about the way he learned, and, obviously, about the fact others knew before him. I get that. But there is a part of me that thinks he’s saying what I want to hear, doing what he thinks is the right thing, rather than what he wants. I don’t want us to move in together just yet. I don’t want him to give up his home because hethinkswe should live together. That’s not healthy for us, or our child.” I slumped back in my seat, exhausted already.
“When Jacob makes his mind up about something, he doesn’t change it. Yes, he often does what he believes isright,but hewantsto do right, as well.”
“He told me his wife...your sister... was killed because of a job he took on,” I said, gently.
“Yeah, and he was right to take on that job. He saved lots of lives at the cost of one... One very significant one, of course.”
Nathan didn’t continue and I didn’t push. We were nearing the building and my focus returned to Jules. I was with Nathan in that I didn’t believe she would take her own life. Sure, she had issues. There had been times she’d been depressed, on medication, but it justwasn’t her. Or was it that I didn’treallyknow her? Did anyone know, deep down know, anyone suffering in the way Jules was?
Guilt washed over me. I should have done more. I could have done more. Perhaps if I’d booked her in to a hospital, she would still be with us.
I’m sorry, Anna, ran through my mind. What was she sorry for? Was it because she’d told my sister about my baby? Or was it because she’d made her mind up what she was going to do that evening?
“I’m so sorry too, my friend,” I whispered, catching Nathan looking at me in the rear-view mirror. I caught the tear before it fell, took a deep breath, and waited for him to open the door so I could get into work.
The sound of sobs could be heard from the corridor. Jules was a loved member of the team and since it was running constantly in the media, there was no avoiding the news, they’d all congregated in the office.
“Oh, Anna, it’s just terrible, isn’t it?” I heard. I comforted Sienna as best I could.
“I can’t believe it,” another added.
“Bloody selfish if you ask me,” Sammy said. There were plenty of comments of disbelief and agreement and I wondered if I ought to address that. I gathered everyone around me.
“To my knowledge, Jules had her demons, and we all know she coped with those through drugs and drink. Along with that, I’m sure, would have been depression. No one ever knows why one takes their life, but right now, the person we should feel for is Jules. We will mourn her, we’ll feel sad and angry, but for someone to get to the depths of hell that they just want to end it, it was the right thing for them to do. I know that sounds odd and I’m notcelebratingthat she took her own life, just understanding that, for her, it might have been her only option. Our criticism of that option comes from a place of sadness in our hearts, that’s all.”
There were some nods, some sniffles, and some objection and I’d let them have that, of course.
“What would you like me to do?” Jane asked. My PA stood by my side with pad and pen in hand.
“A press statement will need to be prepared, of course. I’ll contact all her regular clients, and for now, just field all calls. Tell them a statement will be released soon, and we have no further comment.”
