Page 90 of Finding Jacob
“Paloma is getting stronger by the day. The doctor said she can go home at the end of the month if she keeps improving,” I said.
He nodded but kept his eyes closed.
“Would you like to see a photograph of her? I’ve had to send out for new clothes, she doesn’t fit in anything we bought yet,” I said, adding a chuckle and trying to stay positive.
He didn’t respond, and I didn’t push.
“Your doctor says you’re doing well.”
I heard him sigh. “Except I can’t fucking walk, Anna.” His voice was harsh.
So far Jacob had been unable to weight bear and the signal between his brain and limbs seemed to be disrupted somewhere. His physio team believed he’d get the use back, but whether it was full use or not, no one knew. Jacob was taking it hard. One doctor had explained that although his spinal cord hadn’t been damaged, and he was super lucky with that one, some of the neuro pathways still had to heal from the brain swelling. It was a matter of training signals to move over different areas of his brain. It all sounded so easy to my ears, but I knew the reality wasn’t so.
I didn’t answer him, just swallowed down the hurt.
“You should go, she needs you,” he said, not even mentioning Paloma’s name.
I wouldn’t insist on staying and tried to stay as jolly as I could.
“I’ll see you in the morning after I’ve done her morning feed. I printed off a photo for you, it’s by your bed. The doctor tells me they’re moving you tomorrow, so that will be nice.” I leant down to kiss his lips. He didn’t move.
By the time I made it out of the room and down the corridor, I was in floods of tears.
“Hey, come on,” Nathan said, wrapping his arm around me.
We had taken it in turns to sit with Jacob, and although he seemed to respond a little more to Nathan, he got pretty much the same reception I did.
I went to sit in the restaurant while Nathan visited. Usually, Nathan was with Jacob for a much longer time, but he was back in the café before I’d even finished my drink. His face was set in a scowl and his jaw rigid.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing, let’s go.”
I left my drink and scrambled from my seat. I held my stomach as I jogged to keep up with him as he paced towards the exit and where he’d left the car.
“Nathan, wait,” I said breathlessly. I placed my hand on his arm to slow him down.
Finally, he stopped walking.
“What’s wrong, Nathan?” I asked again.
“He doesn’t want you to visit tomorrow,” he said, not looking at me.
“What do you mean?” I asked quietly.
“Jacob. He doesn’t want you to visit him for a while.”
“I don’t understand. He said that to you?”
“Among other things. He’s not talking sense.” Nathan sighed but still didn’t look at me.
“What other things?” I pulled on his sleeve needing him to look at me. He finally did.
“He doesn’t want you to visit him and he’s asked me to keep you away.”
“What did you say?”
“I said that it was up to him to tell you that, not me.”
