Page 68 of Finding Jacob
“It’s okay to feel that way, Jacob. And it’s not like you had any time to prepare for this child. I had made my peace with being a single parent at first. I would have told you, of course, but I was building myself up to do it alone.”
He smiled at me. “If I’m honest, I think I fell in love with you long before I met you.”
I furrowed my brow in question. “How?”
“Nathan talked about you all the time. I think he has feelings for you. Anyway, I guess I fell in love with his version of you.”
“He does not have feelings for me,” I scoffed. “Does he? That will be awkward. And thisversionof me, is it better than the real thing?”
I wanted to make a joke of his comment. I wasn’t sure how to counteract that he thought Nathan had feelings for me. He’d never shown that or been obvious about them to me.
“A million times better.”
He leaned forwards and gently kissed my lips. “A million times better,” he whispered, repeating himself.
Although he had whispered the words before, he hadn’t come straight out and told me he loved me since. He was, I thought, in a roundabout way, but it would be nice to have him look me straight in the eyes and tell me.
“Tell me again,” I said, echoing his words.
His eyes searched mine, his breath ghosted my lips. “I love you, Anna, a million times more than I loved the thought of you.”
His kiss then was way more passionate and claiming. He loved me, he demanded me, and I willingly gave myself to him there on the sand with the sound of the waves gently washing around our feet.
I didn’t want to leave. It was with sadness I packed my bag and handed it to Jacob to take to the front door. We took one look around to make sure we hadn’t left anything important, and I stood on the terrace and took my last photograph of the sun setting on the horizon.
“We’ll be back,” Jacob said.
After his declaration of love the previous evening, there had been a shift in our relationship. It felt more meaningful, which sounded strange to my ears when I said it. It was as if that week in Crete was equivalent to a year of dating. I’d said previously that I wished we’d met long before discovering I was pregnant, now it was as if that time had caught up. We walked hand in hand to the taxi waiting to take us to the dock, so we could board our boat for the journey back to the mainland.
I stood at the rails and looked at the island as we sailed away from it. Jacob stood beside me. I breathed in deep and closed my eyes, allowing the salty spray to coat my unmade-up face. He kissed my temple and placed an arm around my shoulders, I smiled.
“There is something about the smell of the sea,” I said.
“Yep. Maybe we should buy a house on the coast somewhere. Can you imagine spending the whole summer there, swimming, surfing, chilling.”
“Sounds like a dream,” I replied.
“It’s time to really settle,” he said.
I opened my eyes and turned to him. “How about I move in with you? I know we said we’d commute, and we’ve bought all those things, but... I don’t know. I feel differently about work and London now.”
“I’d like that. You can do what you like to the house, change it any way you feel you need to.” He had smiled and nodded as he spoke. “The thought of waking up with you and my daughter each morning is... I have no words.”
I knew what he meant. “We can use my house when we’re in London or rent it out, I guess. Maybe I’ll sell it.”
For some reason it seemed important to get all the decisions out of the way before the baby was born. I welcomed the full-on nesting mode I was starting to feel. A sense of well-being washed over me. I felt more content than I ever had.
I had a man who loved me, truly loved me. I had a baby daughter on the way. I owned a successful business, and I had a small circle of very close friends. I had it all.
And then I didn’t.
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
I woke in the middle of the night sweating and panting for breath. I threw the covers from me and sat up. I looked around me. I knew I’d had a bad dream but was unable to remember it, but my heart was racing, and a sense of panic washed over me.
I stood letting my eyes adjust to the darkness before I headed to the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face, and then stared at myself in the mirror. Jacob had told me that I was beautiful, pregnancy suited me. However, in that moment, I looked wretched, and I had no idea why.
I wandered back to the bedroom and pulled a T-shirt over my head and shorts up my legs. I felt thirsty, in need of water. As I headed for the stairs, I heard a noise. It was the sound of my fridge door being opened. I stilled and held my breath. I strained my ears, hoping to hear more, but there was nothing. I stood in the hallway and waited. I heard the softest sound of a kitchen cupboard closing.
