Page 80 of Jackson
When you can’t sleep, baby, listen to this. This is my heart beating. This is the sound of the waves breaking on the shore. Both are waiting for you, Jackx
I attached the recordings and pressed send. As soon as I did, I regretted it. The sentiment was right but the wording a little stalkerish. I didn’t want her to feel pressured; I just wanted to send her the two sounds she’d told me relaxedher.
I need that tonight, thank you. Summerx
I smiled at her reply. I decided to head for a run then try to get to some sleep. It concerned me that I was turning nocturnal and I’d need to get my sleep patterns back on track. I’d initially dismissed Dexter’s thoughts that it might have something to do with being alone and in the dark. I’d slept alone for years with no issues, but now, I wasn’t sure. When I thought about it, I never closed the curtains; there was always a sliver of light somewhere. Since receiving that text from my father, everything in my life had been turned upside down. I’d never replied, and I hadn’t deleted iteither.
I popped in some earbuds and ran. I listened to all my favourite songs while my feet pounded along the wet sand where the waves broke. I enjoyed the solitude, I enjoyed the way my heart pumped harder to keep the oxygen flowing through my bloodstream, and I enjoyed the sweat that rolled down mybody.
When I returned to the house, I showered and lay on the bed. I thought about that text message and reached for myphone.
This is your father. I wanted to let you know that I’m dying. I have cancer and not a great deal of time left. You shouldvisit.
There was nothing particularly friendly about his text, it was business-like but that was him all over. Dexter had asked me if I’d have any regrets by not replying, by not visiting. I’d have no regrets at all. There was nothing he could say to me that would make up for the years of abuse. There was nothing he could do that would turn back time and make me forgive him. Although my skin itched with urge, although his voice rang out in my head, both weren’t as powerful as they once were. I deleted hismessage.
I slept on and off during the day, showered again and then headed to the bar. It was another raucous night but word had got around that we planned a drop-in centre and after offers of donations, D-J placed a wine bucket at the end of thebar.
* * *
After checking the time,I decided to Skype Summer. I tried not to text or Skype on a daily basis, I was sure that wasn’t something she wanted, but it was hard not to either see or hear fromher.
“Hey,” she said when she connected and that time she had her cameraon.
“Hi, you look tired. Are you sleeping okay?” Iasked.
“Not really. I guess I miss my own place. Mum and Dad are great but it’s not the same. I didn’t really expect to move back home at myage.”
She sounded sad and I wished I could have reached out to hugher.
“We should be opening the drop-in centre soon, just waiting on some paperwork,” Isaid.
“Tell me about it, it soundsinteresting.”
I watched as she leaned back against the headboard of her bed. I told her all that we’d been up to, how excited I was about the project, and how much I thought the whole process had been a healingone.
“I’m so pleased for you, Jack. You look healthier. I like to hear your voice when you’re excited about something, you sound soupbeat.”
“What can I do, Summer? To make yousmile?”
“Be happy, get well, just talk to me,Jack.”
“Do you want to see thebeach?”
“Yes, take me tobeach.”
I stood from my bed and took my phone to the balcony. I panned it around slowly, hoping she could see and hear the sounds I knew sheloved.
“How was that?” Iasked.
“It looks so beautiful, I missit.”
I noticed the ‘it’ and not ‘me’ as I walked back to my bedroom. “Come back, no pressure, you don’t have to stay with me but come back for awhile.”
She didn’t answer immediately. “Maybe,soon.”
I wanted to ask when, I wanted to make plans but I knew I couldn’t. I had to let her come to me when she was ready, when she wanted to and not because she thought I needed her, but it was hard not toask.
“D-J’s doing good. He’s really up for the challenge. Did I tell you he turned up in a rusting old pickup with three sofas in theback?”
