Page 100 of Jackson
“No one could have helped me. Dexter does his best, but for a while; I was on self-destruct. I don’t want that life anymore. I have something far better sleeping in that guest bedroom of yours. I can’t fuck up again. I can’t lose her. She’s the only thing I need, other than you, ofcourse.”
“Yeah, well, thanks.” She shoulder bumped me in mockannoyance.
“You know what I mean. I’ve loved her for years and when I’m with her, I feel good. I feel normal and I haven’t felt that way in a longtime.”
“She’s an amazing woman. It killed her to leave you, you know that, don’tyou?”
“She did the rightthing.”
“Can you talk aboutit?”
I shook my head. “Not now. I haven’t explained everything to Summer yet. It’s a conversation that, thankfully, keeps getting delayed. I don’t have answers to why I did what I did that anyone wouldunderstand.”
“He really damaged you, didn’t he? I feel partly responsible, I should have done more,” Perri said, her voice had lowered to awhisper.
“You were a child yourself. All I want now is to see him lowered into the fucking ground, and then I can truly moveon.”
“You might be disappointed then, he’s beingcremated.”
“Even better, I’ll watch the fucker burn then I’ll gohome.”
* * *
Two dayslater wearing a pair of dark jeans and a shirt, I climbed into a black hearse to attend my father’s funeral. I didn’t believe I was being disrespectful in not wearing the obligatory black suit; I wasn’t in mourning. Summer and Perri joined me as we followed his coffin to the crematorium. For a man who liked to display his wealth, he’d made a point of organising a very basicfuneral.
I was greeted by men I hadn’t seen in years, the board of directors, many of whom hated my father as much as I did. I was greeted by people I hadn’t met before: colleagues of Perri’s, old family friends, and neighbours. I shook hands, I accepted their condolences with a mock frown and I sat and listened to hisservice.
When it was done, I breathed a sigh of relief. It wasover.
“I want to go somewhere,” I whispered to Summer as we left thecrematorium.
I took her hand and we wandered to a bench under a tree. We sat in silence for amoment.
“My mother’s ashes are there,” I said, indicating towards the tree. “I haven’t been here inyears.”
“I thought she died inAmerica?”
“She did, my father brought her ashes here. He couldn’t be parted from her, even indeath.”
“Tell me abouther?”
“I don’t know her. I never met my mother. I’ve seen photographs, of course. She looked likePerri.”
“You know you weren’t responsible for her death, don’tyou?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Why not have the operation, though? Why did she decide on a natural birth? Sometimes I hate her for making that decision. I don’t want to hate her but I can’t helpmyself.”
“What about her parents? Did you ever get to spend time withthem?”
“A little, not that I remember them either. From what I know, my grandmother raised me for the first couple of months and then we left. He isolated us all from them. My care was left to his mother and a nanny. I have a vague memory of a woman with blonde hair but I’m not sure who sheis.”
“Maybe Perri willknow.”
I placed my arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “I don’t need to know. I have my family right here with me. I don’t need anyoneelse.”
The temperature had dropped, and after I felt her shiver, we stood and left. Perri was waiting by the car, talking to a man I didn’t recognise. She smiled at him as weapproached.
“Mark, I’d like you to meet my brother, and Summer,” shesaid.
