Page 76 of Jackson
I saw him chuckle a little. “No, definitelynot.”
“Bisexual,then?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“I don’t understand then. How can you…” I struggled to finish mysentence.
Jackson took a deep breath, he let his head fall back, and he stared up at the ceiling. He didn’t speak atfirst.
“I’m not sure how to explain it in a way that’s easy to understand. In a way that doesn’t make me look like an even bigger fuck-up. It’s got nothing to do with sex; it could be anyone underneath me. It could be male or female,I…”
He was struggling. I watched him swallow hard. He ran his tongue over his lower lip before biting down on it. He looked around the room and I saw his brow furrow with, I imagined, frustration in finding the rightwords.
“Dexter said it was a power thing, maybe you’re stripping your dad of control in your mind when you did…dothat?”
“Yeah, I don’t visualise my dad, you understand that, don’tdo?”
He seemed desperate for me to at least getthat.
“I do. I just…well. What you did to me, the feelings you produced in my body, in my mind was like nothing I’ve experienced before. I’m confused that you can do that to methen…”
It seemed neither of us were able to actually say the words. I heard himsigh.
“I don’t do that anymore, Summer. You have no reason to trust or believe a fucking word I say right now. I know it’s going to take me a long time to gain your trust again, but know this; I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment I set eyes on you, and what we did bears no resemblance to what I’ve done toothers.”
“It’s only been a month, Jack. What happens if you crashagain?”
“I know, but I can promise you, if I do, that stuff won’t happen again. Do you know how much it sickens me? Do you understand how much I hate myself? If I could erase all that, I would. I need you to forgive me, I need you to understand, that’s not going to happenagain.”
“I just need a little more time,Jack.”
“Will you come back? I want to tell you about that night, the night withDane.”
“I want to get this apartment sold and then decide what I’m going to do with my life. Nothing can change the past and knowing something different to what I’ve been led to believe isn’t going to make any of it better, is it?” I tried to hide the bitterness from myvoice.
“I should have been honest, but I didn’t know if you’d believe me, I was protecting you. It’s always been about you, Summer. Every choice and decision I made where Dane was concerned was always aboutyou.”
There was a short silence as I let his wordsdigest.
“I keep listening to the songs you downloaded on my phone, they make me smile,” Isaid.
“It’s funny how a song, words, can dothat.”
I watched as he placed his palm to his screen, I did the same. I rested my hand onhis.
“I dream of you, I draw you, all the time,” hewhispered.
“I…” I choked on my words. Emotion threatened to overwhelmme.
“Don’t cry, baby. Please, don’t cry. I’ve made you cry way more than I ever hoped I would, and it breaks myheart.”
“I missyou.”
“I can fly over. I’d pack up here tonight, Summer, if you just say thewords.”
“No, I don’t want you to do that. You need to be there, you need Dexter and D-J.”
“I need youmore.”
