Page 66 of Jackson
“Thousands and thousands of dollars. I can manage this, Summer. You trusted me once, do itagain.”
I was hesitant. I looked at the man who stood before me; he looked broken himself. His boys were in trouble, they needed him, and right at that moment, Dexter neededme.
“Okay, what do Ido?”
“Let the sedation start to take effect, let me calm him. He’s distraught, he doesn't know what he did, but he suspects it was something bad. I worry that in the state he’s in, if he sees you, those memories may surface. He heard you scream, he knows you were there, but he hasn’t spoken at all about Ted. I fear that will be too much for him to handle rightnow.”
“Ted?”
“Theguy…”
I nodded my head. “I’ll wait here. Am I completely losing it by wanting to see him? I need one answer, Dex, and then I have to leave. I can’t do this. You have no idea how conflicted I am. I love him, but Honey, Ted, self-harm…I just don’t understand. I thought I did, I thought I could cope,but…”
“You’re the best thing that has happened to him,” he said sadly. “But I understand, he’llunderstand.”
“I talked him down earlier today. I had sex with him, Dexter. I took the lead, he didn’t want to at first. I talked to him, reminding him it was me. I said my name over and over and he was okay. Why was he okay then and not now?” I was rambling a little, but I wanted Dexter to understand that there had been a shift in Jackson’sbehaviour.
“Was he as bad asnow?”
“Well, no, but it stillworked.”
“I’d rather we wait until the sedative kicks in. It’s fairly mild; he’s taken it before with no ill effect. Grab a coffee and wait until I callyou.”
Dexter walked away and left me alone. I headed for the coffee machine, unsure at first how to operate it. Once I’d realised it needed to be turned on at the socket, I set about to make coffee. I’d watch enough baristas in the past, and a half hour later, I finally had a cup of coffee in my hands. I sat for a little while, just sipping it. But I needed to do something. I cleaned the bar and unloaded the dishwasher. I found a mop and bucket and filled it with soapy water. I started to mop the floor. I was halfway through when Dexter walked back into the room. I just needed something to wipe the image of Jackson and Ted from mymind.
“He’s calm now, half asleep of course, so don’t expect too much from him,” hesaid.
I leaned the mop against the bar and followed him. We walked through the storeroom and into the room I’d only visited once before. Jackson was lying on his back on the double bed; he had one hand bandaged. D-J had his head in his hands; he was sitting in one of the small leather armchairs. He looked up at me and smiled sadly as Iapproached.
Jackson had his eyes closed as I sat on the edge of the bed. I wasn’t sure what to do at first and looked over to Dex. He nodded at me. I reached forwards and ran my fingers down Jackson’s cheek. He slowly opened his eyes. He didn’t speak but a tear leaked from one eye and rolled down the side of his face. His brow furrowed as if he was trying to remembersomething.
“It’s me, Summer,” I repeated the words I’d usedearlier.
His face relaxed. He nodded his head gently and closed his eyes again. He opened his mouth to speak but made no noise. I watched as he licked his upperlip.
“Are you thirsty?” I asked. He shook his head and opened his mouth as if to speakagain.
“Do you want to tell me something?” He nodded thattime.
Dexter stepped closer to me. He placed his hand on my arm to stop me from leaning down to him. I looked up athim.
“Not too close,” hewhispered.
I wasn’t sure why but I did as I wasasked.
“What do you want you want to say,Jackson?”
He closed his eyes and, for a moment, I thought he’d fallen asleep. And then I heard words that ripped meapart.
“I killed Dane,” hesaid.
There was no sound in the room at all. I don’t know how long it took for the words to register in my brain. I leapt to my feet, I stumbled backwards so fast I fell over the vacant chair. I scrambled to my feet in time to see Dexter’s chin fall to his chest as he closed his eyes, in what? Shock?Resignation?
I wasn’t able to speak; I willed my legs to move me backwards towards the door. I watched Dex walk towards me. I was in the bar before he spokeagain.
“He didn’t kill Dane, it was anaccident.”
“You knew? You fuckingknew?”
