Page 59 of Jackson
“That’s what I have to work on. Another outlet, a saferone.”
We fell silent for a little while. “Your art is one, isn’t it?” shesaid.
“Yes, but it’s not enough. It’s not physical, I can’t punch it, hurt it, make itbleed.”
“Is that what you did toher?”
I turned sharply toher.
“No, not in the way you imagine. I’ve never hit a woman, I never intendto.”
“But you’ve hurt her, choked her, and slapped herass?”
I took a deep breath; it wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with her at all. “After being begged to. It’s not in anger, Summer, it gets heroff.”
“I don’t want you to tell me the details, I’m just trying to get my head around it all. That’s okay, isn’tit?”
“Of course, I can’t answer everything, Summer, it’s not a part of me that I like. I want to get away fromit.”
“I’m scared to talk to you about any of it, in case it sets you off,” she said, her voice had grown to awhisper.
“I guess we have to find some way of talking about it that suits us both. I’ve been like this all my life; it’s going to be a hard habit to break. It’s going to take me time—I just hope you’ll wait forme.”
She didn’t answer; I didn’t expect her to. I was asking a lot of her but she did give my hand a squeeze, it was enough. Summer and I sat in silence, a comfortable silence for a while. I’d always been alone. I guessed one of the reasons I could connect with her so much was that often we didn’t need to be deep in conversation. She gave me breathing space and thinking time while being by myside.
“Can I see your drawings? I noticed they were of me,” shesaid.
“Okay, but…fuck it. What harm can it do now?” I stood and she followed me to mybedroom.
We sat on the edge of the bed and I placed a pad on her lap. I watched as she slowly opened the cover. I heard her take a sharp breath in. She was looking at a picture of herself. She was lying on my bed, the sheets a tangled mess around her. Her back was arched from the mattress and her hand was splayed between her thighs. Her mouth was open and her eyes closed. She flipped the page after a minute or so. Each picture was of her in a sexual position but on her own. One had her on all fours with her head thrown back, as if my imaginary hand was pulling on her hair. Another had her arms raised above her head, holding the headboard and her legs spreadwide.
When she came to the end of that pad I gave her another. With each turn of the page, the scenes became more erotic. I had started to draw myself with her. My head was between her thighs and my hands held her hips to the bed. In another, she was bent over the bed; my hand was between her shoulder blades while I fucked her from behind. As she closed that pad, I noticed her hand shake gently as she placed it on the bedsidetable.
She didn’t look at me but stood. “I…err…Ineed…”
“Shit! Now you’re mad at me, aren’t you?” Isaid.
She turned to face me, her neck and cheeks were flushed, her pupilsdilated.
“No,I’m…”
“Aroused?” I cutin.
“Very.”
I stood and facedher.
“Do something about it. Show me what youdo.”
“I don’t know if I can. Fuck, Jackson.” She sighed and bit down on her lowerlip.
I took a step closer. I didn’t place my hands on her body, as much as I wanted to, but leaned down to whisper in herear.
“Show me. Know I’m watching you. Know the sight of what you’re doing is going to fucking turn me on, big time. I won’t touch you, I’ll smell you though, and I’ll lick your juices from yourfingers.”
She moaned and her hands gripped the front of my t-shirt. I took a slight step back and grabbed her vest top by the hem. I raised it over her head. I unclipped her bra and slowly slid the straps from her shoulders. My knuckles brushed her skin as I unbuttoned her shorts and I heard her moan again. I lowered myself to my knees as I dragged her shorts and panties to her ankles. She stepped out of them. I breathed in the scent of herarousal.
When I stood, I unbuttoned my shorts and let them fall, kicked off my trainers, and stood naked in front of her. I wrapped my hand around my cock and watched as her eyes widened while shewatched.
