Page 38 of Jackson
“Should he be injecting you with something you know nothing about? And care to explain the ‘drugs’comment?”
“I don’t take drugs, figure of speech. I trust him. D-J trusts him.” I cringed at the mistake I’dmade.
Summer stood and walked to the kitchen, she snapped the top off a bottle of beer and unscrewed the cap from the water. As she passed, she placed my water on the table next to me. Instead of sitting, she stood against thebalcony.
“Did you mean everything you saidearlier?”
“I’ve meant everything I’ve ever said toyou.”
“I’m scared, Jack. I don’t know what to do.” She turned to look out tosea.
I rose from my chair and walked to stand behind her. I rested my hands on the rails beside hers and pressed my body againsthers.
“Tell me what scares you, other than the obvious,” Isaid.
“You scare me. I don’t know if I can have a relationship with you, but I loveyou.”
Her honesty cut me to the core. I rested my chin on her shoulder, and for a moment, we just looked out into thedarkness.
“What can you see?” Iasked.
“Nothing, it’s toodark.”
“Does the darkness scareyou?”
“Sometimes.”
“Why?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I know there’s nothing out there to frighten me,though.”
“Then think of me in the same way. It’s the darkness about me that scares you; it does me too. But that darkness has never hurt you, hasit?”
“For someone so fucked up, you’re verydeep.”
“The two go hand inhand.”
“Will you answer just one question forme?”
“I don’t know. I guess it depends on yourquestion.”
“Did your father abuseyou?”
I didn’t answer immediately. “I guess that depends on what type of abuse youmean.”
“Did he…you know…sexually…”
“No.”
I felt her body sag, relax back into mine a little, and heard the soft exhale of a heldbreath.
“Then…”
“No more questions, not yet. When you make me think about him, it doesn’thelp.”
“I’m sorry, I just needed to know that one thing,” she saidquietly.
“And if he had? How high would your level of disgust at mebe?”
