Page 36 of Jackson
“I want to know why, but I guess that’s about the hardest question I can ask, isn’tit?”
“It is. Not because I don’t want to tell you, I just don’t know how or where to start. My head is totally fucked up and has been for years. The man you know…knew, it’s me, but it isn’tme.”
“So you’re a lie aswell.”
“No. There’s the real me, the one you know, and then there’s the me that has demons that take over and I can’t controlthem.”
“I think I understand. Jack, I don’t know what to do. You being drunk doesn’t bother me, you hurting yourself does. I don’t get why you would do that toyourself.”
“I like the pain, Summer. I like to hurt sometimes, I get a rush from it,” I saidquietly.
“So skydive or something,” shereplied.
I sighed. I reached over and took her hand in mine. She hadn’t looked at me the whole time we hadsat.
“What happened today?” sheasked.
“I talked, Dextalked.”
“Who ishe?”
“He’s a psychotherapist but not licenced here. He battled his demons for a long time and then bought the bar. He fixes us all up, it seems to be his mission in life to helpothers.”
“And how is that going?” she asked, I detected a slight hint of sarcasm in her voice. “Is it me? Did I causethis?”
She turned her head on its side and looked atme.
“No, maybe. But I need you here,Summer.”
“You said, last night, ‘it’s what he did.’ What did you mean bythat?”
My heart missed a beat. “Did I say anythingelse?”
“No, just that. Who did this to you,Jack?”
I took a deep breath and looked out to sea. The sun shimmered off the water; it was a beautiful day, way too beautiful to be talking about something so ugly. But then I thought of D-J, and it pained me that I was so fucked up for something nowhere near as serious as hischildhood.
“My father, the great Brett Walker. The cunt with a capitalC.”
“What did he do toyou?”
“That’s a conversation for another day. I’m exhausted, I need sleep rightnow.”
I stood and brushed the sand from my jeans. “Sleep withme?”
She looked up at me. I held out my hand and waited, praying that she would take it and stand. It took a moment or two before she reached up and I helped her tostand.
We walked hand in hand back to the house and into my bedroom. I pulled my t-shirt over my head but left my jeans on. As I climbed on the bed, Summer lay beside me. At first we lay side by side without touching, until I placed my arm under her neck and pulled her into my side. She turned on her side and nestled her head on my shoulder. She placed her hand on mychest.
“What do I do, Jack, to help?” shewhispered.
“I don’t know, just be here, Iguess.”
“What happens when Ileave?”
I sighed. “I don’t want to think that far aheadyet.”
We fell silent and as exhaustion washed over me, I let my eyelidsdrop.
