Page 33 of Jackson
She hadn’t exactly joined me, she kept her distance and whereas I sat on the daybed, she opted for thechair.
“Thank you, this looks reallygood.”
“It’s just a sandwich,” she snapped back atme.
I sighed and scrubbed my hand over my face, feeling the stubble around my chin. She started to nibble on her sandwich but I could tell she wasn’t enjoyingit.
I placed my plate on the decking beside the bed and swung my legs over the side so I was sitting and facingher.
“You have every right to be totally pissed off withme…”
“No shit, Sherlock,” she said cutting off mysentence.
I wanted to chuckle. I hadn’t heard that phrase in a longtime.
“You scared me, Jack. And then you gave me the most amazing orgasm. I’m confused. I don’t know whether to hate or love you, right now. Dexter is expecting you and I really think you need to go and see him. I don’t know what’s going on, I want to. I want to help but I don’t know if you’ll letme.”
“You don’t want to helpme.”
“Don’t tell me what the fuck I want to do,okay?”
“I’m sorry, that wasn’t what Imeant.”
“What did you meanthen?”
“I meant, don’t waste your time onme.”
She stood and walked towards me, she knelt in between my legs. She cupped my face in herhands.
“Do I mean anything to you? You tell me the truth. We’ve been skirting around this for days, for weeks, fucking years, Jackson. Do I mean anything to you? And don’t you dare lie tome.”
I swallowed hard as I looked straight back into her piercing stare. She didn’t blink and her eyes demanded an honestanswer.
“I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. You’re all I think about, all day. You’re all I dream about. Your name is etched on my body, in my heart. You’re in every painting I do. But you don’t know me, Summer. You don’t know what I’ve done, what I do. When you do, you’ll hate me with way more passion that you’re showingnow.”
“Give me the chance to make that decision,” she said in awhisper.
“I can’t do that. I can’t live knowing you hate me. I need help, Summer; I know I do. And I was fine for a while. I can’t promise you last night was a one off, because it won’t be. I fall, I get up, and then I fall again. But I promise you this; I’m working on it. I can’t tell you everything, maybe I never will. Call me a coward, you won’t be the first, but I can’t let you make that decision because I know what you’ll choose if you knew itall.”
She placed her hands on my thighs and her head fell forwards onto my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and held her. I breathed in the smell of her hair, of her body, and committed it to memory. I knew her body; I wanted to memorize her smell because she would leave me. I had no doubt aboutthat.
“Go see Dexter, please?” shewhispered.
“I will. And then we’ll talk some more. Please be here when I get back, don’t leave, notyet.”
“I’m not going anywhere, for themoment.”
She stood and held out her hands. I took them and stoodmyself.
“I love you, Jackson. I love you more than I ever loved Dane, and that’s the honesttruth.”
I smiled at her. “Opposed to the dishonesttruth?”
“You know what I mean. I love you. You know I do. But I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself. I don’t knowhow.”
I kissed her forehead and gently pushed her away. “I’ll be an hour, maybe two. He’ll kick my arse, scream at me a little, and then counsel. It’s probably best you don’t seethat.”
“Just come back sober and…” Her eyes flicked to mystomach.
