Page 100 of The Facilitator: Part 2
“Mackenzie, as painful as this letter is going to be, I think it’s very important you read it andsoon.”
What if his sister couldn’t afford to get back to the U.S. and that was why she was contactinghim?
He took it from me and just held it. “What’s in it,Lauren?”
I pulled out the kitchen chair and he followed suit. When he sat, he placed the envelope on thetable.
“You have a sister. A half-sister, I imagine. Sandra begged your father to tell you, for years. The reason why he never did is in thatletter.”
He stared at me for the longest time. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he said. I shook myhead.
He slammed his hand down on the table and I startled. The scrape of the chair, as it shot backwards before toppling when he’d stood so fast, echoed and set my teeth on edge. He stomped to the end of the kitchen and then returned. He placed both hands on the table, either side of the envelope, and looked at me. I would hate to have to go up against him in theboardroom!
“You have a sister. I don’t know any more than that, but remember I took the call at home? She might be reaching out to you. She might have only just learned aboutyou.”
He slid it over to me. “Open it,” he said. I looked up at him. “Please?” headded.
I wasn’t staring at him over his abruptness, more that I thought he should read it. I know what I’d said to Sandra, but in the cold light of day, or night as it was then, it didn’t seem right. However, I picked it up and openedit.
I pulled out a typed letter and started toread.
“Mackenzie, this seems so very formal and I’m sorry. We’ve only just gotten to know each other again, and you can call me selfish, I’ll take that. I wanted to spend this time just with you, just us, without burdening you with myconfession.
You know I’m dying and I never wanted to do the dramatic here’s a letter type shit, but here’s aletter.
A few years ago, four, maybe five, I was contacted by a young woman. Kelsey her name is. She told me she was my daughter. I didn’t believe her, of course, but she was able to describe her mother, detailed times we’d met up and where. I still didn’t believe her. I was faithful to your mother, Mackenzie, but I wasn’t to Sandra. That’s my cross to bear and she has forgiven me for that indiscretion, or rather, moment ofstupidity.
Kelsey wanted a DNA test to prove she was my daughter. She had a little hesitation herself, I guess. We did the test and she is my daughter. Mackenzie, I know you might hate me for this, and I wouldn’t blame you, but I fell in love with her, as a daughter,obviously.”
I paused at the comment, wondering why the fuck that would need to be clarified. Mackenzie waved his arm, encouraging me tocontinue.
“Kelsey has Down’s, Mackenzie, and her mother struggled to bring her up alone. She’s a strong and independent woman and lives in a home now but wants to travel. I visit her each week. She’s out and about all the time, never in, and we laugh all the time. She has the kindest heart, and I hate I kept her from you. I can’t give you a satisfactory answer as to why I did. The only thing I can say is I believed I’d lost you. I know we talked but it was obligatory rather than wanted. Kelsey loved me, unconditionally, and it was like I had a second chance at being a father withher.
She has a companion and they travelled to Europe. She said she wanted to contact you, I’d told her all about you, but I discouraged her from doing so. I was a coward. I would have hated for you to be so shocked and hurt if she turned up out of the blue, but I never seemed to find the time to tell you about her, either. She’s back now. I’ve written her address on the back of this letter. Sandra will take care of herbut…
I don’t know what to say to you. I died when your mother did, and I never recovered. I’ve made some terrible choices. I love Sandra; this isn’t her fault at all. I won’t insult you by asking for your forgiveness, just a little understanding. I did wrong, I know that, I just didn’t know how to put itright.
And then when I did, I’d run out oftime.”
The letter wasn’t signed off at all but I said the word,‘Dad’ because it was cold and rather heartless, and I didn’t want Mackenzie to think he couldn’t even sign off hisname.
Mackenzie reached behind him and picked up the chair. He sat. He didn’t speak. I walked to the kitchen and made him a coffee. I heard the rustle as he slid the paper over to his side of the table and I watched him read. He didn’t comment, maybe he hadn’t noticed I’d addedDadto the end. He turned it over and reached for his phone. He took a photograph of the address. He then stood and walked to where I was. He reached above me to a shelf in a cupboard, and over the sink, he set fire to the letter. He dropped it in and let it burn. All I could do was stand beside him and rub his back. I could offer him no words of comfort that would ever beenough.
“Kelsey,” he whispered. “Shall I tell you something?” He looked up at me. “I knew about her. I didn’t know she was his daughter,obviously.”
“How?”
“He sends her money each month. He didn’t have enough money in his account one day, and I received a phone call from the bank. I think they confused me with him. Same name and same bank. I was in Boston at the time. They said that one ofmyregular payments wouldn’t be sent unless I made a deposit. I asked who the payment was to, thinking they were talking about my account. They told me her name. When I asked them to confirm the account details, I realised they had mixed my cell number up with my dad’s. I didn’t correct them; I just transferred some money into his account. He never mentioned it and Iforgot.”
He turned on the tap and we watched the ashes of his father’s letter, his father’s last words to him, wash down thedrain.
“I need to sleep. I’ll be busy tomorrow, I imagine,” he said. He didn’t wait for an answer. As I tidied up, he walked up the stairs to ourbedroom.
Mackenzie was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, when I walked in. I undressed and then climbed beside him, and he wrapped his arm around me. I placed my hand on hischest.
“This really has been a vacation of highs and lows,” he said. He covered my hand with his. “I need to buy you a wedding ring,” he said, somewhatrandomly.
“We have loads of time for that. Close your eyes, Mackenzie, see if you cansleep.”
