Page 37 of He Saved My Boy
“You see, we’d been fighting that day, so for years, I’ve felt tremendous guilt, then anger over the entire situation. But knowing I can’t hold onto those feelings for Connor’s sake, I’ve worked through my feelings and tried my best to let them go.”
“What do you mean?” I ask for clarification because this is certainly not the time to make assumptions.
Sighing heavily, I see her glance up at the ceiling before returning to the screen. The anguish on her expression makes me want to reach through the phone and hold her. It kills me to be this far away if we’re having a conversation like this. But then again, maybe she’ll feel less vulnerable with this distance. Either way, if she wants to share, I will support her in any way she’ll let me.
When she remains quiet, I quickly give her an out. “You don’t have to tell me. I’m not trying to pry.”
“No, it’s probably best that you know. I’ve just only told a few people about the actual events surrounding his death because I never wanted anyone to judge him. But you also need to know my truth.”
Holy shit. What the hell happened?
Leaning back onto her pillow, I see her settle herself and adjust the pillow until she’s comfortable. “You see, Jacob and I were college sweethearts. We met at the end of our junior year. He was pre-law and as you know, I was a computer science major. We hit it off and before we knew it, we had a five-year plan for how we’d proceed. He was to go to law school right after undergrad. Since I can work from basically anywhere, we agreed I’d follow him to any law school he got accepted. Then after he graduated, we’d get married.”
She’s quiet for a moment, and I can sense there’s more to the story, so I prompt, “But…”
“But with one semester left of our senior year, we found out I was pregnant, and he panicked. Well, freaked out is a better term. Instead of being excited about our future, all he saw was the monstrous amount of debt he’d accrue for the next few years and his inability to provide for me and a child.
“He told me he needed some space to think about things. This is how he always reacted to big changes. He’d go away and process, then come back, and we’d deal with them head-on. Apparently, he ended up at a bar with one of his buddies—where he proceeded to get shit-faced drunk. He wasn’t a big drinker, so the fact that he went to a bar makes me realize hewasfreaking out and not actually processing.”
She runs a hand down her face as she sighs heavily. “Eventually, I’d called him to find out where he was. Normally, he’d just go for a run or something, but it’d been almost an entire day since I’d heard from him, and I’d begun to worry.
“When I realized I’d been worrying about him for the better part of a day—all while he’d been getting drunk off his ass—well, I got pissed. I said a few things to him in the heat of the moment, and among them wasthis baby and I would be better off without him if this is how he was going to handle things. I’d hung up the phone and was so hormonal, I turned off my phone entirely. I didn’t want to hear from him if this is what he considered handling it.
“Since it was still early in the evening, I eventually turned on my phone to use it for something else. That’s when I saw he’d called. At first, I was so angry with him, I didn’t even want to listen to the message, but eventually, curiosity got the better of me, so I did.”
So far, Teagan’s voice has been steady, as if she’s just reciting the facts, but when her voice cracks, so does my heart. “He… he… told me he’d made a mistake. That he loved me so much and that he couldn’t handle me being mad at him. He said he was so sorry, and he wanted to raise our baby together. He told me he loved me and our unborn baby. He was just scared. He didn’t know how it would work out, but he was determined we’d find a way.”
God, please tell me he didn’t drive home.
I barely make out the words when she whispers after a long moment of silence. “But he never came home.”
A tear rolling down her cheek is my undoing. Through watery eyes of my own, I see her steady her breath and continue her horrific story.
“I waited.” She gasps out. Then she takes another breath as tears pour down her cheeks. I’d fucking give anything to prevent her from hurting any further. Each breath she takes to steady herself guts me open further.
Her voice is so quiet when she eventually explains, “I waited for hours for him to arrive. Eventually, there was a knock at the door, so I rushed to answer it.”
She takes a tissue and wipes at her eyes before continuing, “But instead of Jacob standing on the other side, it was his roommate. The moment I saw his red-rimmed eyes, I knew. I just knew with every fiber of my being that something bad had happened.” She’s sobbing by this point and after she sucks in another breath, she’s quiet for a long moment.
“You don’t have to tell me anymore,” I croak out, drowning in emotion. “I can’t put you through any more pain.”
Shaking her head, this beautiful, strong woman says, “No. It’s best you know. Jacob had gone to the bar with his roommates to get drunk because he was freaking out about the baby. But after I gave him the what-for, he apparently pulled his head out of his ass and decided he wanted to be the best father possible to our unborn child. He was bound and determined to get to me so he could tell me in person—since I hadn’t picked up my phone.”
Shit. I know where this is going. “Did he…” I start, but she cuts me off.
“He didn’t drive home if that’s what you’re thinking. No—he took an Uber. They were about six blocks from my apartment when a truck ran a light and T-boned the car Jacob was riding in. Apparently, he died on impact and probably didn’t see it coming—or at least that’s what the driver who survived told the police before being airlifted for spinal injuries.
“I’d heard some sirens but didn’t think anything about it, as we lived near a fire station. The truck slammed directly into Jacob’s door. I can only hope he didn’t suffer.”
Holy shit. That’s fucking tragic.
“I’m so sorry, Teagan.” My words aren’t nearly enough. It takes everything in me not to drive to her house and just hold her. She only lives ten minutes away. I could hop in my car and go—but she needs to finish this story—so I remain planted on my bed.
“Only my best friend, Annie, knows the entire story I’ve just shared. I couldn’t let his parents or mine know we’d had a fight, and I was partially to blame for his death. Of course, I know differently—now. I had nothing to do with it, and I’ve come to terms with the accident. But at the time, I just couldn’t tarnish his memory—and now, it wouldn’t have changed the outcome.”
She laughs once without humor, then quickly adds, “You met his parents at the hospital. They’ve tried to be involved in Connor’s life as much as possible. I bring him to Texas once a year, and they travel here when they can to visit. We also try to video chat regularly.
“Dianne and Jim are two of the kindest people I’ve ever known. They knew Jacob loved me, and I just couldn’t tell them we’d had a fight because Jacob had a weak moment and freaked out. Many new parents do the same. He shouldn’t be remembered for that one instance. Besides, I’d never want Connor to know there was even a moment his dad didn’t want him.”
