Page 43 of Resolution
“Nope. I’ve only gotten my eyebrows and lip waxed,” I let out slowly. My eyebrows I can handle, the lip on the other hand, never fails to hurt like a bitch. The sheer thought of waxing my nether region has sweat beginning to form.
“Just relax. It’ll all be over in about fifteen minutes.”
I reach down and pull up my skirt to let it gather at my stomach and my nerves tremble. I typically stay trimmed, so I’m not worried about my personal grooming habits. After having three kids, I’m not shy about having anyone poking around there either. I’ve been to enough gynecologist appointments to last a lifetime. No. What scares the ever-loving shit out of me is the thought of having each hair ripped out. I don’t even want to imagine the excruciating pain.
“Why don’t you pull up your knees, keep your feet together, and let your legs fall to each side,” Miss Sunshine suggests. As she begins to apply warm wax to the crease at my inner thigh, she asks, “So, where’s your wedding taking place?”
Next comes the paper being pressed against the wax. If I’m not mistaken, there’s likely a sweat ring of my ass on the tissue paper I’m lying on. This next part will be the true test of whether or not I can handle this. I grip each hand with all my might against the edge of the table I’m on. “The lodge at Multnomah Falls,” I grit out. I know she’s getting closer to becoming a torturing technician, rather than the sunshine, unicorns and shit she’s trying to portray at the moment. I mentally prep myself, in an attempt to convince myself I can handle this, all the while having a normal conversation with her.
“That’s wonderful. Now on the count of three, you’re going to feel this.”No shit.I close my eyes to prepare myself for the torture. “One…” My ass cheeks clench. “Two…” A bead of sweat trickles down my face. “Three…” I let out a strangled scream.
OH… MY… MOTHER-FUCKING… GOD. That fucking hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. How the hell am I going to be able to finish this? I look down and see one side of me is smooth, while the other’s a jungle in comparison. There’s no way I can go on my honeymoon looking like this.
“You okay?” Miss Sunshine sweetly asks.
No, I’m not fucking okay.I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly.But I can’t be seen like this either. Christ, what did I get myself into?I nod my reaction, knowing that if I were to speak at this precise moment, I’d curse a sailor out of the bar, making him go crying home to Mommy.
All the while, she preps the other side. By now, I’m certain this flimsy paper beneath me will shred apart from the amount of sweat coming out of my pores. I don’t even want to look at the aftermath when I’m done in this torture chamber. God, get me the hell out of here.
“Will you have a big or small wedding?” Miss Sunshine chooses the time right before she applies the paper again to ask. As she pats it down and smooths it over my skin, my entire body tenses, bracing for the impending agony. My knuckles are straining against my skin where I manage to grip the edge of the table even harder than before.
“Small,” I grit out, while I do my best to keep this mantra running through my head.You can do this. You will do this. You already know what it feels like. You will get through this.
When she rips the paper off, it hurts even worse than before. FFFUUUCCCKKK!
I manage to keep my thoughts to myself, somehow. Goddamit, that hurts. Sweat covers my body, my breathing’s short, and it takes all I can to nod in her direction, so she can finish and I can get the fuck out of here as soon as possible.
There’s some relief with the gel she liberally applies afterward. It feels so good, I want to jump into a bathtub full of it. My body relaxes and after a while, she wipes me up and tells me I can sit up. I attempt to put my underwear on, but they feel itchy. When she suggests I leave them off, I gladly do so. There’s no way I want to have anything rub on me in the near future.Now I get to hang out with my friends and family commando. Just what I’ve always wanted.
When I stand to put my shoes back on, the babies move like crazy. They must not like a tense Mama. When I cradle my hands around my belly, Miss Sunshine notices.
“You’re pregnant?” she asks with disbelief.
“Yes,” I whisper, but quickly add, “no one knows yet.”
“Oh.” Her mouth forms a perfect ‘O’ as she gasps in air.
“What? Did I harm the babies? Crap.” I suddenly panic.
She shakes her head and places an arm on my shoulder. “No, not at all,” she assures me. “It’s perfectly safe. I just would’ve warned you that it is going to likely hurt worse than normal.”Well, isn’t that nice.
When I slowly walk out to the room, everyone’s in various stages of getting their nails done. I make my way over to Lexi. “You are so going to pay for this,” I grit out when no one can hear.
She has some nerve using a singsong voice as she says, “You may hate me now, but you’ll thank me later.”
“Don’t count on it,” I growl, as another woman comes to show me where I’ll get my fingernails done.
By the next morning, I feel much better. I want to keep my waxing a surprise for Enzo. When Enzo came home late last night, I was nearly sound asleep. We managed to talk for a few minutes and I casually contemplated waiting to have sex for our wedding night. Surprisingly, he agreed. Knowing I’d been dead on my feet might have had something to do with it.
As we sit for breakfast, he tells me all about how the guys set him up. I was in on the plan, but I enjoy letting him sweat it out. Rowan informed me Enzo used to be the “wild one,” and he needed payback. I tell him about my surprise, minus the waxing bit. He’ll find out soon enough.
We spend the next two days preparing for our wedding, hanging out with family and other out-of-town guests. True to his word, I hardly had to lift a finger to prepare for our big day. When I went to the bridal shop to have my last fitting, I’m pleasantly surprised. It looks perfect. From most angles, you’d never know I was pregnant. The woman at the bridal shop is a miracle worker.
By Friday, everyone’s eager for our rehearsal dinner. We drive out to Multnomah Falls in the afternoon, leaving plenty of time for sightseeing for those new to the area and to get to our dinner on time. The view’s unbelievably gorgeous for February. It’s bright, sunny, and clear in every direction for miles. Enzo insists on stopping to take photos at the Vista House, with the gorge in the background. Maddie, Frankie, and Declan ride with us, while our families and close friends travel in cars behind us. All stop to see what’s wrong as we pull into a lookout.
As it turns out, Enzo couldn’t have predicted a better place to take family photos. Enzo’s mother insists on taking several pictures of different groupings of people once we arrive. Some of these photos will be cherished for years to come. I’m nearly brought to tears with the love Sara shares for my children and me. She insists on having the kids call her Granny or Granny Sara, just like her other grandchildren do. At the mention of how happy Sara is to include three more to the mix, Maddie gives me a conspiratorial grin.Yeah, she’ll be over the moon.
Enzo catches our interaction and whispers in my ear as he holds me from behind during a photo. “She’ll be out of her mind when she finds out she’s getting more. I’m warning you, she takes being a grandma seriously.”
