Page 28 of Resolution
“Oh.” What can I say? I wanted to make sure I didn’t fail at picking out their gifts.
She goes into great detail about how even though I went extremely overboard, I hit a home run with each of them. I sent Frankie the latest American Girl doll with all the necessary accessories. I got Declan a helmet with a Go Pro attached so he can record videos when he skateboards or plays soccer. For Maddie, I bought a MacBook Pro, to replace her laptop that died earlier in the month. I thought these were all things they needed. Or so they claimed when I asked for their Christmas wish lists. How was I to know this was too much? It’s not like I’ve had kids before.
“So, does this mean you’re mad about the gifts, too?” I wince as I wait for her response.
“Enzo…” she huffs. “If I’m mad at you, you’ll know. There won’t even be a need to ask. Trust me.”
11
Samantha
“Lexi,it’s been eighteen days. Eighteen days! No text messages. No voice mails. Nothing. He’s supposed to be back on base doing only God knows what to officially retire. He mentioned going on one last mission a few days after Christmas, but I haven’t heard from him since!” I pace my office as my best friend listens to my rant from the sheer panic attack I’m about to endure.
It had started with a simple question. “How’s Enzo?” from Lexi. She meant well, and I’m sure she had no idea I’ve been barely holding it together, let alone the can of worms she was about to open. I haven’t told anyone my worries. With the firm belief indon’t borrow trouble, I know worrying is just like praying for bad things to happen. Nothing bad can happen to Enzo. It can’t. I’ve done my best to stay positive. I figure no news is good news, but with that simple question, I feel like I’m on the verge of losing my fucking mind.
“Sam.” I hear Lexi try to rein me in as only a best friend can. She walks over and places a hand on my shoulder, in hopes to calm me, I’m sure. But nothing she says or does will pull me back from the frenzy I’m feeling. I attempt to pull away, but she grips my wrist to make me stop pacing.
“Sam, you’ve got to calm down. This isn’t good for you or the babies.”
“I know,” I moan and do my best to stop fretting for their sake. “Why haven’t I heard from him, Lex? Why?”
“I’m sure there’s a good explanation for this, Sam. He wouldn’t do this to you on purpose.”
Letting my worst fears come out, I whisper, “What if something’s happened to him?” God. Please don’t let anything happen to him. I almost feel guilty for voicing this aloud, but Lexi, of all people, won’t judge. “We’re not married, so I have no way of knowing. I’m not his next of kin.” Fuck. Nothing can happen to him.Goddammit, Enzo, where the hell are you? Why haven’t you contacted me?
“Sam, if something’s happened, his family will let you know,” she says, trying to be the voice of reason. “They love you nearly as much as Enzo. They wouldn’t keep you in the dark.”
“I know,” I whisper as I let out a long, slow breath, in an attempt to calm my nerves. It works, a little. I may not be ready to jump off the deep end, but I’m not calm by any means. I’m not a crier, but I feel the prickly sensation begin around the edges of my eyes and I curse. “What the fuck’s wrong with me? I can’t get my shit together today and I feel like I’m going crazy.”
I expect her to say something, but Lexi’s silent for a moment, which catches me off guard. When I finally stop my pacing and look her in the eye, I see her head is cocked to the side, her lips are slightly turned up in an almost smile, and she shakes her head slightly. Making me feel even more crazy.
“What?” I almost shout.How can she be smiling at a time like this?
“Oh.” She chuckles. “That wasn’t a rhetorical question?”
“Uh, no.”
“Well… Let’s see. One, you love him. Two, you haven’t heard from him in what seems like forever, and he could possibly be in a dangerous, hostile area…”
I interrupt before she can say more, “Lex! You’re not helping!”
“Hear me out, Sam.” She comes over and squeezes me with one of her bigger than life hugs, which somehow creates a sense of calm over me.
“Sam, all those are reasons to be losing your shit. Add a baby or two…” She winks and I can’t help but smile. “That could push anyone right over the edge.”
“I know,” I sigh as I wipe a stray tear that has escaped. “But what should I do?”
“Live.”
What the fuck? Why would she say that? I am living!
“Sam, calm down. I’m just saying live your life the way you have been. Assume no news is good news. Calm down. Relax and try to get your mind off Enzo being gone. You can only control so many things, and some things are just beyond your control. You’re going to worry yourself sick.” She’s quiet for a moment, then gasps. “I know… let’s take the afternoon off and get our nails done.”
“But I have work to do, Lex,” I protest.
An eyebrow quirks, and her curly hair shakes as she cocks her head to the side to peer at me from behind her dark-rimmed glasses. “Really?” She looks around my office and at my empty desk. “You think you’re going to get much done freaking out like this?”
She’s got me there. There’s no way I’ll concentrate on anything important in this frame of mind, so I concede. “Okay, you win.”
