Page 95 of Damien
Damien’s eyes dart around, but Zach is nowhere to be found. Besides, the room is full of men, how would he know who to look for?
“He just disappeared,” I whisper. “But I swear it was him.”
“Are you okay? He won’t hurt you or anything, will he?”
“Zach?” I shake my head. “No, he won’t hurt me. But I haven’t seen him since the day I told him I was pregnant. It’s just… weird,” I trail off when I can’t find the words to describe my emotions aloud.
“Dame, do you see this?” Jules gushes over a tidepool.
“I’ll be right there, Jules,” Dame assures her but before he moves a step in her direction, he turns to me. “What do you want me to do?”
Hell, I don’t even know what to do. Should I talk to Zach, or just ignore it? It might not have even been him, and I could be making a mountain out of a mole hill.
“Let’s just enjoy the afternoon with Jules,” I offer, trying not to let my nerves get the better of me. Even if it was Zach, what difference does it make? “I’m not even sure it was him.”
“Van,” Damien warns. “I’ll follow your lead, but please don’t pretend for my sake. Clearly, seeing him has upset you.”
“I know,” I agree. “But I don’t want this to impact Jules. I… I just haven’t thought about him in so long… and I didn’t expect to see him after all these years. Honestly, it might not have been him, so I’d rather not talk about it right now if that’s okay with you.”
Damien pins me in place as he contemplates his next move. I see questions in his eyes, but his lips remain pursed. Slowly, he takes a deep breath and sighs. “Okay. But this conversation isn’t over.”
I nod in understanding as I turn my attention on Jules. “What did you find, squirt?”
She gushes about a sea creature. I may be here in person, but my mind feels a million miles away. What on earth would Zach be doing here? He hated this town and once he left, he swore he wouldn’t come back.
If it is him, what will I tell Jules? She’s never asked about her father, so I haven’t bothered to explain. Have I been a shitty parent in doing so?
No. Zach terminated his rights before he even laid eyes on her. I haven’t done anything wrong. We were young and nowhere near in love. Hell, we broke up before I even found out I’d missed my first period.
When Damien squeezes my hand, I’m brought to the present. “Van, you sure you’re okay?”
Okay? I have no freaking clue how I feel. But when I look to Jules, I nod and attempt to smile, but Damien knows me well enough to see right through me.
Spotting a restroom ahead, I say, “I’m just going to pop in here for a minute. Do you mind keeping an eye on Jules? It’s not that big of a place that I won’t be able to find you if you move on from this area, too.”
Torn, Damien looks from Jules to me. Clearly sensing I need a moment, he sighs as he pulls me in for a hug and kisses the top of my head. “Sure. Take all the time you need.” He’s quiet for a moment as he looks over my head. I shouldn’t be surprised when he says, “Hey, there’s a café over there with caramel macchiatos. Why don’t you get yourself one of those and relax a bit? Don’t worry about Jules. We’ll just keep exploring.” But I am. I may be out of sorts, but when he squeezes me once more, I relax into him.
Of course, Jules takes this exact moment to grab our attention, “Hey, Dame, check this out!”
Chuckling, Damien shakes his head as he releases me. “Duty calls. I’ve got this. Go,” he points to the café, “and relax.”
Walking into the women’s room, I’m relieved to find myself more or less alone. There’s just one person at the sink when I step into a stall. After doing my business, I find myself at the counter, staring at myself in the mirror as I wash my hands.
As I catch my own reflection I lock eyes on myself and mentally ask,What the hell is wrong with you? Why the hell are you freaking out? You’ve done nothing wrong. Fuck, you don’t even know if it was Zach out there.
Clearly, I have issues I still need to deal with. I thought I was past all this. Why am I being this way? This isn’t me.
I finish washing my hands and reach for the paper towel under the mirror. Knowing I have to let this go, I give myself one last message before leaving.
You’re not that same young and naïve girl anymore. You’ve got your shit figured out and despite everything, you’ve raised one hell of a girl out there. You’ve got this. No matter what life throws at you—you will get through it. For her sake and yours.
With that, I dry my hands and promptly leave.
With a newfound confidence, I fling open the door and make my way to the café, where I place my order and wait for it. The moment I hear the barista call my name, I step up to the counter to grab my drink, only to turn around and bump into someone.
“Umph.” Thank God, I manage to keep my caramel concoction safe.
“I’m so sorry, Vanessa,” a familiar voice says. “I thought it was you, and I was going to say something. But you turned around unexpectedly before I could say anything.”
