Page 33 of The Playmaker
"That's a big step," Hawk acknowledges.
"It's a hell of a lot. Sometimes, I wonder if…maybe I should just call it quits, throw in the towel, you know? If I weren't in the NFL, none of this with Riles would be an issue. She could just be a normal teen."
He grows serious. "Is that what you want? Is that what she wants? It seems like you're going from one extreme to the other." He clasps a hand to my shoulder. "You know I'll support you, whatever you decide. It's your life. Your future."
I nod my thanks. Hawk's one of the few people who knows the whole story, who understands what I've sacrificed to keep Riley safe and give her something close to a normal life. The weight of that responsibility has shaped every decision I've made since my parents died.
"It's just. I wonder where it'll stop, you know? There's even bigger stressors with her—she wants to go to ballet school in London." I shake my head. "My kid sister, sixteen going on thirty. Wanting to travel and…"
"Live," Hawk finishes. "She just wants her chance to live her life. You've got to give it to Riley one day, you know."
I nod. "Yeah. And that terrifies me."
"One step at a time." He claps me on the shoulder as we turn from the water machine to the door.
I stop in my tracks. Two dancers stand there, titteringsoftly and sticking out their chests. I don't usually stay this late and it looks like they're just arriving for their training or practice—but even I know they aren't allowed in the players' side of the underground part of the stadium.
Giselle pouts at me.
"Aren't you going to ask me in, Jaxsy?" She gives me a calculating look.
I almost gag. "No."
"Ahhh, come on, sexy man. I know you've been avoiding me." She and her friend are blocking the door. "You weren't even at the club the other night with the rest of the team."
A year ago, I might have played along. Might have flirted back, kept up the image that's served me so well. But now the act feels hollow, exhausting. All I can think about is Avery's expression when she talked about athletes being unfaithful, the hurt in her eyes that went deeper than professional disapproval.
Hawk pushes his way through the girls.
"Please move." I stare Giselle down, my heart tied up in Avery and my mind still annoyed at Coach babysitting me. "I wasn't there because I didn't want to be there. Also, you can't be here."
I gesture toward her and then back to me. "We, have nothing to talk about." With that gesture my towel falls to the ground. I bend to pick it up and when I do she's angled her chest to be all but in my face.
"Okay. No. I'm leaving." I make eye contact with Hawk in the hallway.
He unhelpfully calls out, "Should I man the hallway while you work out some of your angst, man?"
I bulldoze out to join him and once we are in the locker room, I don't even shower. Those two girls are ballsy doing what they did. I don't want to be caught in the shower and have one of them waltz in on me.
"That," I point back at the hallway. "Wasn't cool. You're supposed to have my back."
He has the decency to look sorry. "I got caught up in giving you a hard time."
I lower my voice. "You think they heard?"
He knits his brows. "About your kid sister? Nah. They're too into themselves for that."
"Let's hope so." I fist bump him and we walk out together to our cars.
I check my texts and see one from Riley asking me to take her to a ballet class, a few from Coach about my form, one from my masseuse, and then…one from Avery. Well, a formal email, actually, not a cozy little "how are ya" type of text.
I take the time to read it while my car idles outside the stadium in the players' parking garage, the engine's purr a counterpoint to my racing heart.
Jaxon,
Thank you for an enlightening trip to California. I learned so much about you and the team. In fact, my magazine manager and editor were both so pleased with the information I gleaned from everyone and the wonderful b-roll I took that my script for the pilot episode has been approved.
As such, I will now be focusing in refining it. I'll be back to shadow you and the Phantoms in a couple of weeks when you play your biggest rival team. In the meantime, one of our junior reporters will be in the press room covering your games.
