Page 23 of The Fated and the Damned
“And you were being a haughty brat,” I replied with a smirk.
Her eyes flared and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the spark of defiance, the retaliation that would surely come if I pushed her. Her eyes tracked my lips and I smiled wider, goading her further.
“You know what your problem is? You’re still the same arrogant asshat as always. Some things never change,” she hissed, her voice wavering. “Even if … even if everything else has.” She looked up at me, a thousand questions in those hazel eyes, and pain that made my heart ache with a need to protect her, wrap my arms around her.
“Not everything,” I whispered, daring a step, then another.
Her palms found my chest, halting me, as though she was fighting an internal battle. “Then why?” she asked quietly, looking up through her lashes. “If what you say is true, why didn’t you trust me? Why didn’t you tell me what Baba Yaga had planned to do with Lukasz, or what she’d been doing to the witches?”
I sighed. “When my mother …”No, not that. Not for a long time.I tried again. “When Baba Yaga ordered me to find the blood witch, I never expected that same witch would be my future bride. When I met you in the woods, I knew you were the one they’d been looking for. Everything was so complicated after that.”
“So, what, I got off lightly because of our betrothal, yet the other witches were murdered?” She shoved me away with surprising strength, her words cold and biting. “Was it complicated enough for you when she mutilated their bodies and drained them of blood?
I growled in frustration. “I didn’t know what she was doing with the witches. Until Hanna, I had no idea about those rituals.”
“A poor excuse,” she scoffed. “You were a fool, Dante. She played you like one of those chess pieces you love so much, and you didn’t stop to think about the consequences. People are dead because of you.”
My blood heated, and I felt the darker powers in me swimming to the surface, my shaman magic begging to be released. But there was no bringing the dead back here. Only a harsh and bitter taste of the truth. Because everything she said was all true.
“Don’t you think I know that?” I snapped, running a hand through my hair. “I am a murderer. My soul is dirty. No matter how much I wash my hands, they will always be stained. Call it sheer stupidity for not seeing what was right in front of me, but it’s the truth.” I sighed, sliding against the wall and resting my elbows on my knees. “I thought she was dead. For years, I thought she was lost, and when she came back into my life … I was blinded by a child’s love for a mother he thought dead long ago. I did as she asked without questionbecauseshe was my mother. And I … I know I should have done better. Been better. Once I realised what she was doing to the witches, I defied her requests and she blackmailed me with Lukasz’s life. You came into my life not long after.”
I tipped my head back against the wall, closing my eyes. Flashes of Hanna’s mutilated body swept through my mind, the guilt inside me overflowing. Just another burden to bear, another soul ripped from this world because of the cultists and their dark magic. Because ofme.
Kitarni stood there, watching me in silence for a few beats, and I waited in the stretching silence for a rejection that would cut me to ribbons. Instead, her voice was gentle. Contemplative.
“Your mother manipulated you. She twisted your love for her and poisoned your morality for her own gains. You might have made mistakes, but in the end, at least, you did what you had to for the right reasons. It doesn’t make it right, but I can understand now.” She sighed, walking to the desk and perching on the edge. “What I can’t figure out is why you wouldn’t trust me to help you protect him. We were meant to fight this fight together.”
I studied the calm exterior of the fiery queen before me as she tried to tame some of her locks. Beneath the slow, methodical movements of her fingers lay a deep anger, and I feared we’d only just scratched the surface.
“I thought I was protecting you by keeping it to myself, that you’d be safe in Mistvellen. I knew you’d never abide being left behind, which is why I drugged you. Aside from locking you away, it was all I could think of at the time. I never wanted to cage you, Freckles, nor did I want to lie.”
She swallowed hard, her fingers gripping the edge of the desk so hard her knuckles went white. When she looked up, her eyes were molten rage. “Your secrets almost cost me my life, and those of many others.”
I rose from my position, reaching out a hand, letting it drop awkwardly. “I know. And I’m sorry, Kitarni. So very sorry.”
She bit her lip, contemplating everything I’d told her, studying me as if searching for any hint of a lie. When the silence stretched so long it became deafening, she finally spoke once more.
“Was any of it real?” she asked quietly. “Did you ever really want me?”
I stepped towards her, shaking my head. “I never wanted you, Freckles. I—”
“And there it is,” she interrupted. Her lips twisted with hurt for a split second before she smoothed her face out. She’d gotten too good at hiding her emotions, pretending she was okay. And it was all because of me. I couldn’t have that, so I took another step forward, turning her chin towards me.
“Want is a base desire, and what I feel for you goes far beyond that. I need you like I need air to breathe, and sustenance to keep me nourished. You are both my biggest failure, and the biggest victory I might ever achieve. I can’t do this without you. I won’t.”
The breath sighed from her lips. “How do I know I can trust you again?”
There was no simple answer to that question, but the hope that sparked in my heart was like embers catching, spreading hot and heavy in my being. So, I spilled every truth inside me, and I didn’t hold back for a damn second.
“You don’t. But I will spend every waking minute proving my worth to you. I will fight for my people, and I will die for yours. Nothing can change what I did, but maybe everything I do now can help those who need it most. I will fight for you Kitarni. If you’ll have me.”
She nodded slowly, biting her lip. “I’m still so gods damned angry at you, but I’m glad you told me and ... I understand. I would have done anything to keep my family safe.” Her eyes raked over me, seeing down to my very soul, and she pushed against my chest with her hand, the tiniest of smiles twitching her lips. That little gesture, it was enough. More than enough. “I still think you’re insufferable though.”
I chuckled, capturing her hand in my own. “And you’re still a stubborn witch.”
Her eyes narrowed as she thrust her chin up, and I couldn’t help but grin at her haughty attitude. “Your place in my good graces is still tentative at best, so be warned: your honeyed words are sweet, but your actions speak louder. Pushing me is not in your best interests right now.”
She was right on all accounts, which isexactlywhy she needed pushing. She’d bottled up her pain, shoved it deep down and put all her energy into fighting, training, being the person the world needed. But this anger inside? It needed an outlet. It neededrelease.
