Page 126 of Lavish
“That’s not true,” I said, but it came out a little too quickly.
“Isn’t it?” She tilted her head, gold hoops catching the light. “You’re always worrying about somebody or something. I think youliketo be anxious.”
I scoffed. “That’s ridiculous.”
“No, it’s control,” Gigi said, picking up momentum. “You can’t control feelings. You can’t predict people. You can’t make love fit in a spreadsheet or a ten-year plan. So instead, you fill your life with things youcancontrol. Titles. Wins. Legacies.”
I stared at her. She was usually the chaos tornado, the glitter bomb. But now she was peeling me back like she’d been watching all along.
“So what are you saying?” I asked, quieter.
“I’m saying maybe this time, you don’t have toleadthe moment, Rena. Maybe you just let yourself be in it. Let him love you, or mess up, or surprise you. Let yourself want him withoutneeding to control the outcome. You can’t stop bad things from happening in life, and the way you’re always holding on too tight? You won’t let the good happen.”
Gigi paused, then grinned.
“Let the bus takeyoufor a ride for once, sis. Stop tryin’ to be the damn driver all the time.”
I blinked at her, stunned into silence for a beat too long.
Gigi. Of all people. Making sense.
“Okay, Dr. Phil,” I said finally, rolling my eyes. “Did you rehearse that in the mirror before you came?”
She smirked, pleased with herself. “Nope. It’s all natural, baby. Wisdom from the baddest.”
I shook my head, lips twitching despite myself. “I’m actually embarrassed that was helpful.”
“Don’t be,” she said, flipping her curls over one shoulder. “I got layers like lasagna. You just gotta dig past the hot girl aesthetic.”
“I do want to add onto thesagewisdom of Gigi.” Laurene pushed herself up and waddled over to us, and she stood in front of me, her brown eyes wide. “Remember what we talked about at my baby shower?”
I did. I hadn’t wanted to. I’d brushed it off at the time, called her hormonal, too soft since she got pregnant. But the words stuck with me.
“Yeah,” I said slowly.
“You know what I realized once I left the house?” she continued, tone quiet but steady. “I didn’t know how to make a single decision that didn’t sound like Mama’s voice in my head.” She touched her stomach. “Not one.”
I stayed silent.
“You don’t have to be her.” Laurene met my eyes fully now. “We love Mama. I’m not saying not to, but she’s got things she’sfighting on her own, and that means she may not show up the way you need. But I’m letting you knowI’mhere for you.”
Maybe you should leave, Serena. You’ve made King Developments the best. What do you want?
Laurene reached her hand out and grabbed mine, giving it a squeeze.
“You’re allowed to want something just because you want it, Rena,” she said. “It’s okay to not have a plan either. That’s the beauty of life. Butleanon us. Even Erik. We know the pressures better than anybody, and while we might not have been good at supporting each other before, we’re better now.”
Gigi snorted. “Yeah, even with your mean ass, I love you.”
Why were my eyes feeling prickly? It was a weird feeling.
“Group hug, bitches!” Gigi grinned, and the two of them rushed me, all lavender and citrus and the faint burn of expensive perfume.
I stood stiff in the middle, arms hovering awkwardly at my sides like someone being restrained at a checkpoint.
“I—okay—this is happening,” I muttered.
Laurene’s cheek brushed mine. Gigi wrapped herself around us like a human boa constrictor. Somewhere in the pressure of the embrace, my hand twitched, then slowly, I let my fingers curl into the back of Laurene’s blouse.
