Page 65 of All You Need is Alien Love
Nirblob takes his position in front of one of the terminal mainframes and starts typing away furiously while staring at the lines of code that appear on his screen. As usual, he’s dressed in his homemade Lord Vardox cloak and wearing his signature roller skates.
I still haven’t quite figured out why he likes them. Some of it might be due to his smaller stature. They do make him taller, after all. But I suspect he likes the fact that when he skates in them, his cloak billows around behind him, and I’ll admit, it looks pretty fucking cool.
“Aha! Link established,” he says, turning around in his chair to grin at me with obvious satisfaction.
The grin isn’t quite as creepy to me as it was when we first met. Nirblob looks uncannily similar to the evil Martians in Tim Burton’s camp classic,Mars Attacks!He has no lips over his teeth, which makes his version of a grin all the more menacing at first glance. And to be fair, he did claim to be an evil villain like Lord Vardox. Oh, and he did sort of kidnap me that one time.
But we’ve gotten past all that.
In a short time, he’s become a key figure in the alien community here in Vegas, especially now that he runs Vardox’s Cantina—the exclusive extraterrestrial watering hole of Sin City.
Nirblob and I have become quite good friends, although Kai’s still a bit surly around him because of the whole kidnapping thing.
Getting to know Nirblob has been important for me to check some of my own internalized appearance biases that I need to own and get beyond—especially if I want to travel the universe with my boo. After all, humans are not the be-all and end-all species in the universe. We just like to think we are.
In the eyes of many other beings, I’ve learned, we’re considered quite primitive and unevolved, particularly since we lack the appropriate technology for advanced space travel.
Nirblob points a black-gloved finger at one of the screens. “Look, they approach.”
“And you’re sure you have everything redirected to your ship’s controls?”
“Most definitely. Even if they try to hack the system, they won’t be able to get in without also finding and accessing the mainframe on my ship.” He chortles to himself. “I don’t even think an elite squad from the Intergalactic Alliance could find where I’ve hidden it. My cloaking mechanism is far superior to anyone else’s.” He rubs a tiny, gloved fist over his chest where I’m pretty sure his heart is, although I don’t know for certain. “I’ve tweaked its modifications myself.”
I pat his shoulder. “This is when your wannabe evil supervillain tendencies prove very useful to helping us—aka the good guys.”
Nirblob waves a hand dismissively. “As if I could not help my favorite author in the entire universe in his time of need. Besides, even Lord Vardox has a soft spot for certain good guys, does he not?”
It’s my turn to chuckle. “That he does. Himbo good guys, especially.”
Nirblob does a little dance in his seat. “Ah, yes, someday I too will find my very own himbo Captain Starblade.”
“Preach, honey. You manifest the hell out of that dream.”
We still as movement on one of the monitors draws our attention, and Nirblob points to it. “It’s a small infiltration squad. There appear to be about twenty of them.”
“Are there more waiting outside?” I study the screen where the shadowy figures manage to override the security system to the lobby of the building, which is locked up for the night.
The team files into the building quickly and quietly, immediately flanking out in the silent space. Once they realize no one’s there, they start up the staircases toward the floor where Alliance HQ is housed.
“Negative,” Nirblob says.
I frown. “Did they really think they could take headquarters with such a small team?”
Nirblob strokes his chin thoughtfully. “I’m not certain. My hypothesis is they thought their cloaking devices would conceal their arrival in orbit.” He grins evilly. “They did not anticipate me or Tom Jones and CJ—or our far superior technology.”
I gnaw on my bottom lip, stomach churning like I ate a bad burrito. “This probably means they sent a bigger team to the Valley of Fire base.”
“Most likely. It is a much larger facility out in the middle of the desert and far easier for them to go unnoticed by Earthlings.”
All the more reason we need to take care of these fools and then join the rest of our friends at the Valley of Fire base.
“Give me a moment. The specialized system I’ve synced up to our surveillance cameras can scan these invaders and detect what kinds of weapons they’re carrying.”
His small, gloved fingers fly across the keys and I see the shadowy figures on the screen light up as the infrared-like scanner reveals where they are carrying concealed weapons.
Nirblob turns to me and gnashes his teeth to show his anger. “The red indicators on the screen mean they are carrying phasers or other weapons turned to the deadliest setting.”
“Son of a bitch,” I mutter.
