Page 95 of All You Need is Alien Love
I pull away and use my shirt to wipe the sticky Groxil slime from my cheek and my hair, flinging gobs of it to the floor.
“Yuck. This stuff never gets better. Even the synthetic variety is disgusting. It sure came in super handy though.”
Kai studies me, concern evident in his gaze. “You’re sure you’re not hurt?”
I wave him off. “The pellet only grazed me. Our nemesis, Darth Layne-der,took the brunt of the slime attack.” I grin and shrug. “You know me. I’m one lucky sonofabitch.”
Nirblob hurries over and I immediately fist-bump him. “Seriously, man. Nice work, mi amigo.”
He fist-bumps me right back with enthusiasm. “Likewise, mi amigo. At first, I could not figure out why you charged into the fray without a rational thought, but then I realized it was a tactic to lower their guard so I could attack at the perfect moment!”
Uh, sure. We’ll go with that idea that it was all part of my brilliant plan rather than alien superhero genetics and basic dumb luck.
I pat him on the back. “I’m just glad I introduced you to the wonderful world of Keanu Reeves movies when I did. It really saved our asses.”
Nirblob rubs his tiny, gloved hands together. “Indeed, he is a most attractive himbo. I wouldn’t mind finding a partner likethat. In fact, I think he would play a very good Captain Starblade in a film or television adaptation.”
My eyes widen. “Ooh, I can see that, especially with a younger Keanu. He’s older than my Uncle Benji now, so that wouldn’t totally fit Starblade. Then again, Hollywood rarely cares about the accuracy of ages in film characters.”
From where he stands frozen, face covered in Groxil slime, Darth Layne-der glares at us, his phaser pointed impotently in the air and his mouth open like a fish.
I don’t think he had any clue what was going to happen in that final moment.
“That’s what you get for not studying any Earth pop culture references, mothafucka!” I jeer.
Am I kicking a man when he’s down? You bet your ass I am—and he more than deserves it for all the shit he’s pulled.
Before too long, Ellie and Mal join us with a squad of Alliance agents who set about securing Adeline and Darth Layne-der to take them into custody. The agents make sure to use special restraints designed for shape-shifting species like Osairans, so they can’t get out of them even if they try to shift forms once the paralytic slime wears off.
A med tech in the group hurries to my side with protective gloves on and does a quick job of using wet wipes to get rid of the remaining slime on me.
As usual, my hair’s kind of a mess, and I’ll definitely need a shower later, but I feel better.
“It’s really over, isn’t it?” I say, collapsing into Kai’s waiting arms and tentacles. It’s like all the energy and adrenaline has worn off and I’m overcome with a sudden wave of exhaustion.
He wraps himself around me like a magical man-burrito. “Yes, my love. It’s over.”
Ellie demands a recap of what happened, and by the time I finish explaining, her expression is dark and foreboding.
“They were trying toforciblyimpregnatemy son? Believe me, that will be added to the list of their intergalactic legal charges.” She cracks her knuckles. “I look forward to interrogating Adeline myself.”
Righteous Mama-in-Law for the win! I knew she’d make Adeline rue the day she decided to fuck with my hubby-boo.
She suddenly turns an anxious look on Kai. “Are you all right? Any signs of Tentaculum Calefaction?”
Kai shakes his head. “I’m completely fine. For the moment, anyway. Not even a hint of a symptom.”
“We need to get you to the med lab to check on things and be sure.”
We all nod in agreement.
Mal pipes up. “We’ve got everything under control inside the base, and I’ve spoken with your parents and my grandma over at the Rec Center, River. The help we called in handled the threat in orbit around the planet.”
“A large Alliance transportation vessel for our prisoners is set to arrive in a few hours as planned,” Ellie adds.
With the support of the Intergalactic Alliance, the invaders we captured will all be taken into their custody. They’ll have to go through the Intergalactic Alliance legal system and face the punishment for their crimes, but we have more than enough evidence of their wrongdoing to help Agent Catengi and his colleagues with that.
Part of Operation CHAOS was to go out of our way to ensure that this incident will make headlines across the universe and warn other idiots not to mess with Earth and the Alliance outpost here in the future. A high-profile and well-publicized intergalactic trial should work in our favor in that regard.
