Page 94 of All You Need is Alien Love
Darth Layne-der, as he shall now forever be known, holds his phaser to my head. “Stop right where you are.”
Nirblob turns his gaze on me, asking me silently with those big round orbs—what now?
I close my eyes, a deep state of calm washing over me because, as always, the movies have never steered me wrong. In fact, they’ve taught me how to handle this exact situation.
“Remember our Keanu Reeves fest?” I ask.
Nirblob nods his huge head.
“What the fuck are you on about?” Darth Layne-der says, pressing the weapon tighter to my temple. “Shut up or Iwillshoot you.”
I’m willing to take my chances, especially since he needs me as a hostage.
Nirblob awaits my words of wisdom, like a young Jedi with his master.
“Hint: he’s Dennis Hopper. I’m Jeff Daniels. And you’re Keanu.”
I didn’t think it was possible, but Nirblob’s eyes seem to get even bigger.
“I’m Keanu,” he whispers in wonder.
“Yep. And WWKD: What Would Keanu Do?”
“Shut the fuck up and you, drop your weapon,” Darth Layne-der snarls at Nirblob. He digs the end of the phaser into my temple.
My amigo feigns like he’s going to drop his weapon, catches it in his other hand, and grins evilly as he fires.
Straight at my head.
“Shoot the hostage!” he crows.
The Groxil slime pellet explodes along the side of my cheek, spraying me and my assailant with a healthy dose of the paralyzing gunk.
Thankfully, Nirblob’s no fool. He quickly turns and shoots Adeline as she struggles to her feet, freezing her in a half crouch on the floor.
I squirm and wriggle my way out of Darth Layne-der’s frozen embrace.Eww.Once I’m free, I whirl on him. “Take that, mothafucka! You got slimed, courtesy of the Two Amigos! Alien superpowers for the win.”
Nirblob chortles. “Indeed. We make a most impressive team.”
I high-five him and race to my boo, helping him undo the last of the straps holding him down.
“Sorry, I’m late,” I say as I undo the final buckle.
He catapults himself at me, and the moment he’s in my arms, I start shaking like a leaf.
“Thank the galactic gods, you’re okay.” I run my hands all over him. “You are okay, right?”
“I’m fine,” he says, his voice gruff with emotion. “I knew you’d come.”
My brow furrows with worry. “But what about that stuff Adeline injected you with?”
His mouth twists. “I don’t know. We’ll have to get our med techs to check on it. So far I feel fine. My head hurts from when I banged it pretty bad earlier but otherwise I’m good. I haven’tnoticed any telltale signs of Tentaculum Calefaction yet, but Adeline never said how long it might take. I told her it probably wouldn’t work since the hormonal trigger can only be activated by one’s mate.”
“Well, in my sci-fi experience, science can too often find a way. We need to get you checked out to be on the safe side.”
“Agreed.” He flashes me a faint smile. “I’d love to kiss you right about now, but we need to be careful of the slime.”
While I’m immune to its effects, Kai is not.
