Page 72 of All You Need is Alien Love
“It does throw a bit of a wrinkle into our plan,” Ellie says.
“Can’t I just… turn it down?” That seems like an obvious solution.
“You can probably try but he’s not going to stop getting in our way unless he’s taken out of the equation one way or another,” Mal interjects with a sigh.
Damn but I know he’s right.
“Maybe a duel is the best way to deal with him, then? What are the rules of this particular one?” Nirblob chimes in, his head tilted in curiosity. “Is it like the Blood Duel Lord Vardox and Khamos fight in yourTentacular Tales?”
I gape. Good fucking question. How is it that my life and the lives of my characters seem to have a six degrees of Kevin Bacon-like phenomenon going on?
Ellie tightens her high ponytail with a harsh tug that tells me just how agitated she really is. “It’s an Iyaran close combat duel. Opponents are each given a small ceremonial blade andmust fight each other with only that weapon and their other… appendages.”
I wilt at that. “Great. So I’m at an obvious disadvantage.”
“Ah!” Nirblob cries suddenly. “I may have a solution.”
For some reason, he fires up the transporter and we all watch with amazement as a familiar-looking object appears on the platform.
“This is a new prototype I’ve been working on for a while now.” He skates over, brimming with excitement, and holds aloft his bounty. “Behold! The Vardoxian Tentacular Belt of Domination!”
We all stare at the device that’s quite similar to the belt I wore for my Sanctioning Ceremony dance with Kai. But this one is more of a harness that straps over the back and buckles in the front.
“Try it on,” Nirblob urges giddily.
My nerd impulses take over and I strap that sucker on so fast I nearly give my audience whiplash.
“Now, watch.” Nirblob uses a small portable device to activate the four tentacle arms that begin to undulate around me with deadly grace.
I inhale sharply and my heart races with fond childhood memories. “Oh myfreakinggods. They’re just like Doc Ock’s mechanical tentacle arms!”
I manage to hold back my squee of delight, but it’s close. Another geeky fantasy I can now officially cross off my enormous bucket list.
Nirblob chortles. “Indeed. I took a great deal of inspiration from that film after we watched it together.” He shakes his head sadly. “Alas, you cannot manipulate them psionically, but I can control them for you even from a distance.”
“Wait a minute,” Ellie interjects. “Are you proposing to do that to help River fight Fabian?”
“But of course I am. River must assert his dominance over that piece of space garbage.”
She facepalms and lets out a loud groan. “I don’t like this one bit.”
I reach over and pat her on the back with my hand while Nirblob mimics the movement with one of the tentacles on my rig. “Don’t worry, Mama-in-Law. We’ve got this. Nirblob and I are actually a pretty damn good team. We can take down that loser Fuckface Fabio.”
At least, I’m reasonably confident we can.
“Or we could just go in, phasers blazing, and take him out that way,” Nirblob suggests. “I would enjoy that immensely as well.”
“Let’s tone down the murderous vibes a smidge, my friend,” I say, forcing a smile.
Ellie strokes her chin. “His suggestion holds merit.”
“Mom, you know we can’t just kill these idiots indiscriminately,” Mal says. “Alliance backup is coming, and they fully intend to take all the invaders into custody.”
“They probably won’t blink an eye at the murder of one or two of them, especially if we can show that they shot first,” Nirblob counters cheerfully.
Ellie’s answering grin is a little terrifying. “I think I’m starting to really like you, Nirblob.”
He dramatically tosses his cloak over one shoulder. “And I you, madame.”
