Page 70 of All You Need is Alien Love
“I’m okay,” I manage to say, my voice hoarse and weaker than I expected.
Fabian yells over me. “River Sullivan, I invoke the Interstellar Protocol of Slighted Affections and challenge you to an Honor Reclamation Duel!”
I blink in momentary stupefaction.We definitely didn’t see that one coming.
River gapes at him. “Are you for real, dude?”
Mal shakes his head. “They’ve already completed the Sanctioning Ceremony. You can’t challenge River for my brother any longer.”
“I do not recognize the legitimacy of their union!”
River darts a glance at Mal. “I think he’s totally lost it.”
A long beep echoes through the room and pillars of light surround us on the transporter platform. River turns conflicted green eyes my way. I know he doesn’t like what we have to do right now, but I believe in him and his plan.
“I love you, Kai.” So many emotions flicker across his face: love, fear, and finally, determination.
With every ounce of cockiness I can muster, I give him a little salute and a grin. “I know.”
And then, the light moves us through time and space—and away from the one man who owns both my hearts.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Spill the TEA: Trustworthy Earthling Advice
Issue 10
I hope you’ve all been doing well, my friends. On my end, things have been more than a smidge stressful of late. But I’ve been using my encyclopedic knowledge of all things sci-fi cinema to formulate an epic plan that will ensure my hubby-boo and I can enjoy a safe and stress-free honeymoon adventure! More on that soon.
For now, onto our tantalizing topic of the day… Only Fans! *fans self
Dear Dr. TEA,
I love your column andTentacular Tales. Team Vardox all the way!
I’m newly situated on Earth and looking to start up an OnlyFans account. Distance sex work like this is commonon my home world and a way I enjoy earning currency to support myself while I’m going to school. I’m aiming to become a fashion designer, so I may be a public figure one day. Since I know Earthlings associate a lot of shame and social stigma with sex work, I’m trying to keep a certain amount of anonymity with my OF account. I have discovered there is a healthy foot fetish market on this planet that seems like an ideal fit—no pun intended. My feet are lovely and I take excellent care of them. There is but one… anatomical problem, as it were.
I have webbed toes—and six on each foot, as is standard among my kind.
Would it be too risky to bare it all when it comes to my feet? Or could I make a killing among foot fetishists?
Sincerely,
Webbed Toes are Sexy Too
Dear Webbed Toes are Sexy Too,
It’s always lovely to hear from a fan! Thanks for taking the time to write to me for advice.
You’re definitely right about human stigma around sex work. Feminists have been trying to legislate greater protections and rights for sex workers, including things like health care and regular government-subsidized STI screenings. While some countries have made progress on these fronts, it’s by no means a universal thing.
OnlyFans could be a good option to earn money and mediate the higher risks involved with direct physical contact with paying human clients. I agree that you want to avoid revealing your identity if you plan to pursue a public career down the line. Foot-only photos and videos might work. Asfor the anatomical differences, I think it’s all in how you frame things. Create an account that plays on a magical and/or otherworldly vibe. Bring that kind of music and imagery into videos you create. Style yourself as the “Half-Mermaid Princess” or something fun like that. Bedazzle your toes! Remember, when it comes to separating reality from fiction in film, glitter is your friend! Really lure them in with the fantastical element. No one will guess that they’re completely real, and you might start a whole new niche in the foot-fetish market!
Good luck and keep working hard in school. I can’t wait to hear about how you get your foot (pun intended!) in the door of the fashion industry.
In tentacles we trust,
Dr. TEA
