Page 63 of All You Need is Alien Love
“I’ve got you covered, babe. It’s for your eyes and ears alone.” I take hold of one of his hands and lace our fingers together.
As worries start to crowd my mind again now that I can think with more than my dick, I can’t hold back a pensive sigh.
“What is it?” Kai asks softly.
“I wish this peace and harmony would last, but I know it won’t.”
Kai holds me closer, one of his tentacles rubbing soothing circles on my back. “We’re all worried about what awaits us, my love. But we’re not alone, and there’s no way we’re letting anyone invade our turf without facing the consequences.”
“Have I ever told you that you sound hella sexy when you get all hardcore like this?”
He smirks. “Thank you, love.”
I groan in frustration. “I don’t like the uncertainty and the weird limbo of waiting that we’re trapped in. And I know we’ve prepared as much as we realistically can for such a small outpost here on Earth, but I can’t help but wonder if my plan might not be enough.” I clutch a tentacle tight. “What if the Alliance support doesn’t make it here in time? What if…” I trail off because I don’t even want to think about worst-case scenarios, and I sure as shit am not going to verbalize them.
That’s just inviting bad vibes.
Three of Kai’s tentacles are wrapped around me now, as well as both of his arms, while he spoons me and pulls the blankets over us, sealing us in a protective cocoon.
“Don’t start second-guessing yourself now. I have faith in you, your brilliant plan, and all of our amazing colleagues and friends who’ve agreed to help us. Together, we are an unstoppable force that Layne Madison and his goons won’t be anticipating and don’t have a chance of beating. We’ve got this, darling. Now let’s get some sleep, because there’s a lot of work to be done tomorrow.”
Despite my nagging worries, it isn’t long before the exhaustion of the last few days takes its toll and I start to slip into slumber.
Right now, at this moment, I feel safe and secure in my life mate’s arms and tentacles.
I just wish it could always be like this, and that stupid fucking bad guys would just fuck right the fuck off.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Spill the TEA: Trustworthy Earthling Advice
Issue 9
Yes, the rumors are true—my hubby-boo has made an honest half-alien-slash-half-human of me! We completed the Iyaran Sanctioning Ceremony, and hot damn, it was one that will go down in history, that’s for sure! Thanks for all the lovely well wishes many of you have already sent me, but please refrain from sending any more sex toys (we have our own, thank you very much) and please don’t ask for nude pictures or videos—we don’t share those with others, sorry not sorry.
Now, onto our query of the day… Earthling ideas (and laws) related to marriage and other types of romantic relationships. Buckle up because a lot of this may seem pretty problematic to many of you.
Dear Dr. TEA,
Long time reader, first time querier. I’m a new arrival here on Earth and discovering much to love about Earthlings and their home world. However, I am quite perplexed by the strange restrictions around marriage on this world. While formalizing unions via ceremonies or other rituals is also common among many species across the universe, I have never encountered such odd limits to the number of spouses one may have as I’ve found here. In my research on Earthling customs, I have since found that it’s even illegal to do so, except for a time in the state of Utah. Oh, and on a rather perplexing TV show about “Sister Wives.” On my home world, it is common practice to marry as many spouses as one wishes in an equally ranked polyamorous collective. I, myself, have six spouses waiting to visit me on Earth, and I’m not quite sure what to do when they get here.
Why are polyamorous unions not afforded the same legal rights and privileges as a formal union between two individuals? If the level of commitment and love is the same, shouldn’t such relationships also be recognized by law?
Such limited thinking about life mates is quite befuddling. Can you explain?
Sincerely,
Mystified about Human Matrimony
Dear Mystified,
Much love for your support of my humble little column, and thanks for taking the time to reach out. I can completely understand where you might be confused. Humans can be quite contradictory creatures!
Culturally and systemically, we valorize and legitimize marriage as a union between two individuals. Many ofour institutions are set up to reward and recognize such relationships. Indeed, it would require some major overhaul of laws around joint assets, child support, alimony, and so much more—especially in the event a polycule decided to divorce, or only part of the polycule wanted to divorce while the other members remained married.
That’s not to say we shouldn’t do it, but we’d need much more progressive and knowledgeable governing systems and legal support to make such changes. Our laws, which are quite old, were created at a time when monogamy was the prevailing marital structure for a whole host of reasons, several of which are a bit cringey, if I’m honest.
Alas, as my Gender and Sexuality Studies professor in college taught me, marriage as an institution carries a lot of problematic patriarchal baggage here on Earth. It’s been used as a political tool to unite nations, as a way to expand land holdings for men, as a method of controlling women and their sexuality, and so much more. Even territories that allowed polygamy in the past (or that still might tacitly support it) have a structure with a man at the core who is allowed multiple “wives,” not “spouses” more broadly. Hence, my cringey comment earlier. At the same time, marriage is also often tied to different religions that dictate the purpose behind such a union, often in highly gendered terms as well. Talk about some heavy stuff we need to reckon with! I won’t even get into the challenges and legalities, past and present, related to interracial and LGBTQ+ marriages. Sigh.
