Page 60 of All You Need is Alien Love
“The night is young, my love, and I have so much more planned for you, so get ready.”
From the gleam in his eyes, I can tell he’s just as eager to see what I have in store as I am to show him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Spill the TEA: Trustworthy Earthling Advice
Issue 8
Friends, you all are so awesome that I can’t keep up! This column has taken off in ways I didn’t quite expect, but I’m honored that so many of you find my insight and advice helpful. Be assured that I’m reading each and every one of your queries, and have no fear, I will get to them all—eventually. Big Dr. TEA love to you all!
Now, onto our issue of the day… warfare (of a sort) in the workplace!
Dear Dr. TEA,
I am proud to say that I’ve assimilated quite well into the Earthling workforce and have settled into my new job with convincing naturalness. However, I recently have found myself utterly confounded by what my coworkers havedubbed The Thermos Wars. It appears to be a strange battle between #TeamStanley and #TeamYeti.
I thought these referred to feuding royal families of some kind at first. But it appears these so-called “teams” relate to preferred brand names for… beverage containers?
This seems utterly illogical and maybe even more than a little mad. Why would one wage war over something so foolish? Granted, things have not devolved into bloodshed.
Yet.
However, I fear it may only be a matter of time. People are becoming quite fervent in proselytizing for their preferred brand. Everyone has chosen their side.
Except me. I am the lone holdout and each side is trying to woo me to their team. I worry that once I choose a side, an all-out battle will begin. How long can I keep them in a stalemate? I’m a pacifist by nature and don’t use a thermos, what do I do to keep the peace?
Yours,
#SeriouslyTiredofEveryoneArguingaboutMugsEveryDay
Dear #STEAMED,
Humans do have a tendency to exaggerate seemingly small things, and this situation seems to be one of those occasions. In work environments, humans often like to compete and organize into teams that try to beat each other at all kinds of things. Most commonly, these are more directly related to actual professional achievements. But in other cases, it might be something more playful or even ridiculous—like these so-called Thermos Wars. You have social media to thank for some of this fervor. People can be inclined to take theircompetitiveness a bit too far. I will say, though, sometimes these kinds of things can be good for office morale and keeps a spirit of fun competition going that can be a helpful motivator too.
If you want to confound your coworkers right back, I suggest buying a brand of thermos they aren’t familiar with. Or, even better, bring in an alien version that looks super cool but that they’ll never be able to find their own version of online! Like #TeamZolibula. Pique their interest and then DENY access! Your cool thermos is literally one of a kind, and you will have won the war without having to join the fight. Mwahahahaha.
Ahem. I am, perhaps, somewhat competitive myself, so I suppose it all depends on how much you want to involve yourself in office shenanigans. Your choice, friend. You’ll have delightfully cool, or hot, beverages no matter which option you pick. Let me know what you decide. I want all the deets!
Sending strength, sass, and support,
Dr. TEA
River
There’sno way in hell I’m gonna leave my man hanging after he gave me such an Earth-shakingly good orgasm. Mmm…
Maybe there is something to be said for a bit of forced abstinence?
What am I even thinking? Fuck no.
I smile to myself with satisfaction. From here on out, it’s going to be smooth sailing for me and my hubby-boo. We’ve successfully overcome the hurdles in our way, have the officialintergalactically recognized approval for our union, and now can just bask in the magic of our wedded bliss.
I straddle Kai’s hips, pleased to feel the rigid proof of his desire for me. The tentacle still languidly thrusting inside me has me primed for my man’s cock.
Eager to make that happen, I wrap my hands around the base of Kai’s erection, and his slick tentacle carefully exits my body. Balancing on my knees, I hover over Kai’s gorgeous thick length.
“It’s been far too long since I’ve ridden you like I’m gunning for gold on a mechanical bull,” I tell him with a cheeky wink.
