Page 34 of All You Need is Alien Love
Evan pats the air around his hair, not wanting to ruin his immaculate coiffure, but his cheeks tinge pink. “Ay, dios mío! Don’t get me all riled up now.”
I grin. “He’s here, you know, and looks very dashing in his traditional Vroknu ceremonial attire.”
Evan licks his glossy lips, his eyes shimmering with interest, then he gives me a playful smack and shakes his head. “Don’t distract me. Are you ready to go out there and face the crowd?”
We move to the doorway and wait for our cue, which turns out to be our very own resident alien, Tom Jones.
The familiar opening notes of “It’s Not Unusual” by his musical-icon namesake start to play before Tom bursts into the first verse.
Evan and I march side by side into the hangar of the Alliance’s Valley of Fire base, which has been converted into the main space needed for the three-day Sanctioning Ceremony.
The hangar is packed with Alliance staff, many local alien residents who didn’t want to miss out on the event of the century, and, of course, our closest friends and family.
Tom Jones is set up on a small portable stage, shaking his hips and singing with gusto. Who’d have thunk he retiredfrom an intergalactic military career of some kind—I need to find out more about that for sure—to become a Tom Jones impersonator? He really sounds amazing though, very close to the real deal. So I suppose I can understand his passion.
From the opposite side of the hangar, Kai emerges with his brother at his side.
Evan and Mal are basically the equivalent of best men for me and Kai. But in the ceremony, the term is Tentacle Twin.
Kai’s wearing a shiny satin purple robe that would make Prince—RIP—jealous. It brings out his mesmerizing eyes—swoon. I wear a similar one although, given my inferior height, it’s dragging on the floor just a smidge and doesn’t come off anywhere near as sexy.
Damn these tall, superhot aliens!
However, I will admit that the flash of bare leg Kai’s giving me is far too distracting when we have an audience. Do I eye him up and down with lascivious intent anyway?
You bet your sweet ass I do.
He sends me a mock frown when he notices, but his lips twitch and I can tell he’s trying not to laugh.
That, more than anything, puts me at ease.
I love you, boo! We’ve got this!
We meet up in front of an enormous makeshift aboveground pool that has been placed in the center of the hangar. It’s entirely glass-sided to provide the audience a perfect 360-degree view.
Grandma Iris steps forward, wearing a caped outfit all in white that seems more than a bit reminiscent of Moira Rose’s ensemble for David’s wedding onSchitt’s Creek.
Although I’m kinda disappointed she isn’t wearing the Pope-style headdress too.
“Welcome to the first day of the Iyaran Sanctioning Ceremony between Kai Genaro and River Sullivan. We are gathered here today to witness the test of commitment and theunbreakable bond of love between this couple who intend to commit their lives to one another. Today’s trials are centered around the languages of love.” With a majestic sweep of her arm, she gestures to the pool. “Although we live most of our lives on land now, our ancestors were fully aquatic, and an Iyaran’s tentacles always feel most at home in the water. Showing off one’s tentacles in the water is a sacred part of the mating ritual that we still uphold today. Therefore, we will begin with my grandson Kai’s performance.”
Everyone claps, and we take our seats around the glass-sided pool like the eager spectators we are.
Hmm. Actually, the Sanctioning Ceremony might be a bit like a spectator sport now that I think about it…
My thoughts scatter when Kai removes his robe, showcasing his hot bod in nothing but a sexy pair of purple Speedos.
I have to fight the impulse to whistle obnoxiously at him.
Damn, my man is sexy as fuck.
He climbs the ladder into the pool—look at those glutes!—and dives in with liquid grace.
Strategically positioned lighting highlights his stunning form in the water, and I can’t help but let out a dreamy sigh when four of his purple tentacles emerge from his abdominal pouch. The appendages move gracefully through the water as Kai performs a sort of underwater ballet so extraordinarily beautiful that it’s hard for me to look away.
While he glides through the water, his tentacles undulate and swirl around him with a level of over-the-top pageantry to them that they would make a peacock take notes.
It’s quite possibly Kai’s gayest, most flamboyant moment as an alien—and I amherefor it.
