Page 12 of All You Need is Alien Love
My mother slaps her hand on the table and grins. “That’s my son-in-law for you. Brilliant idea, River.”
He winks at her. “Thanks, Mama-in-Law.”
My father nods slowly, his tone serious. “In most situations, we would never call on our residents to take up arms or lend assistance when it could be dangerous. After all, our job is to protect them and their new lives here on Earth. But I believe the threat we are facing is an exception to the rule.”
“What are you thinking, River?” Mom asks, eyes sparkling.
“Why don’t we hold a town hall of sorts down at Vardox’s Cantina? We’ll bring together everyone who wants to help and formulate a plan to protect Earth. Coalition building for the win, I say!”
Mal shakes his head and smiles. “Strategizing at an extraterrestrial dive bar? Never a dull moment with you, River. I’m glad my brother found you to enliven his boring life.”
I scowl at him for a moment before turning back to River, who’s beaming at me, his face shining brighter than a supernova.
Dark matter and damn it, but I love him so fucking much.
Agent Catengi rubs his chin thoughtfully. “River’s idea has merit. Some of our fellow extraterrestrial friends here on Earth still have ties to powerful beings across the galaxy that could prove beneficial. We must pool our every resource if we’re going to thwart Layne Madison’s machinations.”
River reaches over and says, “You and Zugo, give me a high five, man.”
Agent Catengi stares at him for a moment before awkwardly lifting his gloved hand and tapping River’s with it.
My husband—galactic gods, that phrase never gets old—nods with satisfaction. “You’re learning, young padawan.”
CHAPTER THREE
Spill the TEA: Trustworthy Earthling Advice
Issue 2
Hello, my extraterrestrial friends! Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to check in with me. Today, we’re talking about human movies vs. human reality. Hollywood does like to play fast and loose with human culture!
And now, to our question of the day…
Dear Dr. TEA,
I’ve been watching as many movies from Earth as I can to try and get a better understanding of human behavior, customs, and mannerisms. I’m visiting for the first time soon and want to be able to blend in. However, there are so many different film genres, and from so many different time periods and countries. To be honest, I’m not sure what to make of it all.What should I pay attention to? How do I parse fact from fiction so that I don’t make a fool of myself during my visit?
Sincerely,
Curious and Confused
Dear Curious and Confused,
This is a GREAT question! Movies can give you a lot of insight into some aspects of humanity, particularly when it comes to the types of stories we like to tell. Apart from certain forms of nonfiction cinema, like documentaries, most movies are fictional narratives and can vary drastically in terms of their realism. Take romantic comedies, for example. Most of them play out in ways that rarely mirror reality, but they can be fun to watch. At the same time, there’s also an unfortunate and pervasive heteronormative and cisgender vibe to a lot of mainstream cinema. Le sigh. Diversity in general can be lacking or badly presented on screen. I’m sad to say we still have a long way to go in terms of inclusivity and positive representations of intersectional and minority identities.
Usually, Earthlings like to watch movies to temporarily escape their mundane reality and immerse themselves in more fantastical worlds and characters for a few hours. It’s the same when it comes to books, or heck, even video games! Don’t take movies too seriously when it comes to studying humans. After all, we love our escapist fantasies for a reason! I mean, hello Star Wars and Star Trek franchises. They played a massive role in making me the extraterrestrial-loving sci-fi nerd I am today. As you might guess, movies can offer some valuable insights into the kinds of things we love as well as those that we fear. We love stories about love (seeThe Way We Were,Sleepless in Seattle, andRed, White, and Royal Blue) or stories about an underdog triumphing over adversity(seeRocky,Forrest Gump, andThe Miracle Worker). These are just a few to get you started! For a more comprehensive list of films, be sure to check outThe Handbook for the Recently Earth-Relocated.
Sparkles and sunshine,
Dr. TEA
River
“I’m soglad we’re doing this, hermano.”
I lean into Evan’s side where we’re seated on his couch. We’re getting ready to watch the final episode of our favorite telenovela, and I’m pumped. It’s our first BFF night in ages.
I crunch on a potato chip. “Me too. I’ve been so busy lately.”
