Page 66 of Tis the Season for Tentacles
For so much of my life, I’ve had to be the mature older brother in charge who could handle everything. While my grandparents were amazing caregivers to me and my sister, their health was declining by the time I became a teenager and they had slowed down a lot. They started struggling with basic household chores and errands, and I had to step up and take over everything that had become too much for them. I was happy to do it—I owed them so much—but I also quickly found that with these new responsibilities, my desires came dead last.
I also wanted to be available for my younger sister whenever she needed me. Caring for Gemma and my grandparents became my first and only priority, to the point where I finally gave up trying to have any sort of personal life separate from them.
But here and now, in the short blink of time that I have with this golden god of a man, I can allow myself to let go and take what I want.
What I damn wellneed.
I’ve been delaying having penetrative sex in the typical fashion. For one, I really freaking love his tentacle and all the things it can do. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. But as I stare into Najar’s mesmerizing eyes, I’m forced to admit to myself that I was mainly trying to protect my heart.
Yes, I know it’s been a stupidly short amount of time, but I already care about the big, stoic warrior with a well-hidden heartof gold. More than I’ve cared about anyone else in a very long time.
To be blunt, I’m starting to fall in love with him, and the idea is utterly terrifying.
Did his amazing tentacles play a role in that? Probably. But the rest is just him.
I can relate to his strong sense of responsibility and his desire to keep his loved ones safe. He’s usually so serious that I get a kick out of these surprising glimpses of humor and playfulness to him. On top of that, I admire how brave he is, defying expectations and leaving behind his home world to explore the universe with his friends. Being with him is fun yet also comforting—and every day I look forward to getting to know him better both in and out of bed.
But we have so little time left together, and if I let myself keep falling, I fear how catastrophic the heartbreak will be when I have to say goodbye.
For tonight, though, I decide to indulge in all I want to physically share with this man. I’ll just have to keep my emotions in check—he doesn’t want to hear words of love from me, nor would he welcome overly sentimental overtures.
I’m well aware of where I stand with Najar. He’s been honest with me about that from the start. While there might be a kernel of feeling for me on his side too, his walls have been in place, I suspect, most of his life.
And for good reason.
My heart aches at the thought of him as a young orphan, thrown into training to become a warrior. He didn’t get to enjoy much of a childhood as a result.
The nomadic lifestyle he and the rest of the crew live must also make it difficult to even entertain the prospect of a long-term romantic relationship.
Like Khephren, he’d have to find someone willing to share that path.
If I’m truly honest with myself, I have a growing conviction I could be that kind of person.
But I can’t leave my sister behind. She’s all the family I have left and vice versa.
I can’t put my desire to be with Najar above my family, especially when I don’t know if whatever this is between us is built to last. Even in a perfect scenario, I could never abandon my sister.
Not like our mother did.
No, there’s no way I can do that. There’s simply no win-win endgame to my predicament that I can see.
I shove aside these angsty uncertainties, instead letting tonight simply be about tonight and nothing more.
“Are you sure?” Najar asks, hesitation written all over his face.
“Yes. I want to feel your cock inside me too.”
Najar closes his eyes for a moment and his whole body relaxes, like he was tensing himself up in order to prepare for rejection.
I see these brief glimpses of vulnerability that he’s willing to show me and guard them close to my heart.
“I will make this very good for you,” he promises, his voice husky with desire. “Let me take care of you.”
There’s a faint look of entreaty in his eyes that I can’t deny.
Besides, those magic freaking words are music to my ears. It’s like he can read me easily, too, and knows precisely what I want.
I swallow thickly. “I’m not worried. I trust you, Najar.”
