Page 40 of Tis the Season for Tentacles
Well, crap.
The innkeeper stops in front of one door and favors Sasha and Kheph with a smile. “You mentioned that it was nearly your one-year anniversary, so you’re the perfect pair to enjoy the inn’s Honeymoon Suite, which happens to be vacant right now.”
Khephren’s eyes are very nearly shooting sparks of excitement. “How wonderful! I can’t wait to see it.” He uses his high-tech key card to open the door.
He and Sasha head inside and Najar and I stand awkwardly in the hallway.
Khephren’s voice trails out to where we hover. “This is like an early anniversary present.”
“Ooh!” Sasha exclaims. “Talk about cozy and romantic. I love it.”
Khephren peeks his head back out the door, his face flushed. “I do believe my husband and I might have an early night tonight.”
The innkeeper rubs his furry hands together. “I’m so glad you’re pleased. And congratulations to you both.”
Sasha peers around his husband. “Actually, do you offer room service?”
“For a small additional fee, we’d be happy to bring a hot meal to the suite,” the innkeeper offers with a bow.
“Make it so, Tentacle Boy,” Sasha says, giving his husband a playful smack on the ass and disappearing back inside the room.
Khephren places their dinner order with the innkeeper and gives us an only slightly apologetic smile. “Looks like my loveand I will be enjoying our meal privately tonight. We’ll meet up with you all in the morning.”
Before we can even respond, he slams the door in our faces.
I’m starting to panic a little now, but I bite my tongue and silently follow the innkeeper as he leads us to a room at the far end of the hall.
He beams at us. “I gave your friends our Honeymoon Suite, but that’s not the only themed room we offer.” He waggles his hairy eyebrows at us. “I could tell just by looking at you two that you’ll benefit from this room. It’s for those looking to rekindle the spicy flame in their relationship.”
Panic sweat forms on my brow and I turn my horrified gaze on Najar, whose face has gone worryingly blank.
The innkeeper continues happily. “Because of their specialty themes, these two rooms aren’t booked as regularly as my others, so you’re quite lucky I still had them on a night like tonight.”
With obvious reluctance, Najar carefully uses his key card to open the door and steps inside.
Warily, I follow him for two steps, only to come to a screeching halt.
We’ve ended up in a room that is a cross between an alien bordello and some sort of love hotel that rents specialty rooms by the hour.
I stare around me, trying to take it all in at once.
The walls are covered in a wallpaper that features a disturbing pattern of what looks to be a variety of alien penises. Against one wall are several clear shelves lined with what appear to be a colorful array of extraterrestrial sex toys designed to suit a wide range of personal preferences.
A heart-shaped indoor hot tub bubbles away in one corner, next to the window that looks out over the town. The windowledge has a shelf full of colorful bottles that look like they might contain perfume or oils.
But the thing I’m most worried about is in the center of the room—namely, an enormous round bed covered in a blanket that looks uncannily like velvet. It could seriously give a Vegas theme hotel a run for its money.
“There’s only one bed,” I squeak, trying not to hyperventilate.
The innkeeper cocks his head at us in confusion. “It should be more than big enough for the two of you. It’s designed to fit up to four medium-sized beings. Why, a few weeks ago, we had a Morgelyff polycule with five partners that managed to squeeze in there just fine.” He stops and strokes his beard with a chuckle. “Of course, they were from Graxlog V and that planet’s known for some wild sexual practices. But never fear. The floor is waterproof, and we hose it down and disinfect it after every guest visit.”
Oh, sweet Jesus.
“Could you possibly see if any other guests might want to switch with us?” There’s a faint note of desperation in Najar’s voice that makes me feel a little better.
The innkeeper guffaws. “Come now. Don’t be intimidated. This room has revived many a relationship over the years. Give it a chance.”
“Would there be any other inns nearby that might have a double room available?” I dare to ask.
