Page 23 of Curve Ball
The rest of my night is spent on the couch, drinking beer and wallowing in my own misery. I can't believe she's doing this to me, can't believe she's pushing me away like this. But I know I can't force her to talk to me.
I’m not that type of guy.
No, I’ll just sit here and tell myself it was all my fault. ThatI’m not good enough, never was good enough for someone like her.
Too drunk to head to the bed, I drift off to sleep on the couch; I make a promise to myself—to let her go, to move on, to find someone who wants me as much as I want them.
Even if it kills me, I'll do it.
The next morning,I wake up with a pounding headache and a mouth that tastes like I ate something that had been sitting in the fridge for a month. I stumble to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of water, downing it in one gulp. I need to get my shit together. I need to focus on the game and not on Adriana and her fucking hot-and-cold act.
New mantra: Fuck everything but my family and baseball.
I pull out my phone and check Instagram, hoping against hope that she's messaged me back, that she's changed her mind. But there's nothing, just the same old notifications and likes. I toss the phone on the island and head for the shower, determined to wash away the memories of last night, of her.
Finishing my shower and getting dressed, I pull on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. I need to get out of the house, need to clear my head. I grab my keys and head for the door, my mind already on heading to breakfast because I need to get some food in me before I throw up.
Hitting my favorite taco truck, I sit on one of the picnic tables and demolish at least ten carne asada ones before stopping. It’s moments like this I wish I lived closer to the beach. I could really go for a long walk on the shore with the water lapping at my feet. So that’s what I decide to do. Santa Cruz is only forty-ish minutes away. The drive gives me so much peace from my thoughts as I blast the music as loud as my ears willallow, and when I get to the boardwalk, I park, take my sweats off, and head straight for the beach in just my basketball shorts, shirt, and trainers.
With the waves crashing against my bare feet and legs, I can't help but think of her, of the way she made me feel, the way she still makes me feel. Seeing her last night made me realize I still want her, that so much was unfinished between us.
I’m not built for one-night stands.
I sit down on the sand, pulling my knees to my chest and keep my eyes on the water. I lose track of time and watch the sun dip below the horizon.
You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Gael.
Can't keep living like this.
I can't keep pining after a woman who doesn't want me.
Tears run down my cheeks and I don’t bother wiping them away as the sea breeze mingles with them as the tide inches closer. Standing up, I brush the sand off my shorts, taking one last look at the now-dark horizon.
It's time to let go, time to move on, time to find my happiness, even if it's not with her.
Over the next few days,I throw myself into my game. I'm more focused than ever, more determined to be the best damn baseball player I can be. I don't have time for distractions, for heartache, or for what-ifs. I have a job to do, and I'm going to do it better than anyone else. I spend my days at practice or games, pushing myself to the limit, and my nights at home, alone, trying to fill the void that Adriana left in my soul. I watch movies. I read books; I even try my hand at cooking.
Definitely not my gift.
I’ll stick withbaseball.
But nothing fills the emptiness, nothing takes away the ache in my chest.
I keep my phone on silent, ignoring the notifications, the likes, and the messages. I don't want to see her face. I don't want to be reminded of what I can't have. I just want to focus on myself, on my future.
11
ADRIANA
The sun is barely up, and I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of the mess I’ve made of my life. Gael still wanted me, and I pushed him away again. I didn’t give him my number, and now, knowing that he’s friends with Kai, I have to make a decision.
Do I push every negative feeling aside and try to make it work with him, or do I leave and never look back?
I know I can’t keep running from this, can’t keep avoiding the inevitable. I’m pregnant, and Gael deserves to know, deserves the chance to be a part of his child’s life. But I’m scared.
Scared of his reaction, because most men our age aren’t looking for hookups to turn into an eighteen-year-long commitment.
Terrified that he will turn into Marco if I were to even attempt some kind of romantic relationship with him.
