Page 16 of Curve Ball
I grab the container with thecarne con chileand sit down at the island, scrolling through my social media aimlessly. I see posts from friends and from teammates, but nothing from Adriana. It’s like she’s disappeared, and it hurts more than I care to admit.
I decide to text her one more time before I call it a night.
Gael
Goodnight, Mama. Just know I’m gonna be dreaming of you tonight.
I hit send and set my phone down, taking a deep breath. I want her so fucking much. I know I need to give her space, but it’s killing me. I just want to hold her, to tell her how I feel, and to make her understand I think what we have could be something special.
The sheets are cold and empty when I finally climb into bed. I can still smell her perfume on my pillow, and it brings a small smile to my face. I close my eyes, trying to imagine her here with me, her body pressed against mine, her breath on my neck. It’s a torturously sweet memory, one that both soothes and hurts me in every way imaginable.
The next weekpasses and I go through the motions of my daily life, but I’m distracted and distant, and it’s taking a toll on me. I can’t focus on my workouts, on my practice, or on anything. All I can think about is Adriana, about the way she made me feel, about the way she looked at me. I’m getting ready to head to the restaurant to see my mom and tías, hoping that maybe they can knock some sense into me.
You know I’m desperate when I’m willingly seeking out being verbally chastised by my mother.
It’s a new low that I’ve hit.
Gael
Don’t shut me out, Adri.
Gael
I know I probably seem like a stage five clinger, but I just have a feeling about you.
I hit send and head out, trying to lose myself in the drive,and once I get to the restaurant, I’m given a heavy dose of my mother and her sisters.
“Mijo, maybe take the hint. Or have you considered maybe she has a boyfriend…?”
I try to block out that thought because I would really hate to beat the shit out of some guy to prove I’m the better option.
Or come to the realization that I was someone she cheated with. But I seriously don’t think that’s the case.
“Ma, I really don’t think that’s it. I think maybe I came on too strong. I said some things and maybe it was one of those…ya know, thoughts I should have kept to myself.” I let out a sigh and reach up to scratch the back of my head. My hair is getting too long and I need to cut it soon. “You know how I am when I talk. Sometimes the words just come out without a filter.”
“What did you say,mijo?Te patearé el trasero si fuiste grosero con ella. Te crié mejor que eso.”
I need to learn to explain things better. I just made myself sound like a complete asshole.
“Nah, Ma. I was nice.Lo juro por Dios.I told her how beautiful she was and… uh… things like that.” I give her the look that begs her to not make me continue. “I don’t think anyone ever told her things like that. So I think I scared her off.”
“Well,” she purses her lips and looks over at her sister and they just shrug.
Yeah.
I know I’m fucked.
I fucked up and lost her.
“Try to move on. You need to keep your head on straight for the team. Don’t ruin your life over some woman who doesn’t want to see how amazing you are.”
Easier said than done, Ma.
The days turninto another week, and still no response from Adriana. I know she hasn’t blocked my number because it still shows she’s reading them. I’m losing hope, wondering if she’s ever going to reach out to talk to me, to let me in. But I can’t give up.
I won’t.
I’m stubborn as shit and won’t give up on something that I think is worth fighting for. Or until she point-blank tells me to leave her alone.
