Page 87 of The Fear of Falling
“So you lied to your family?” I stand and hug my middle, hating how much I would rather be tucked into his arms than my own. I’m thinking that’s not going to be an option anymore.
Benson blinks, then takes a step deeper into the room and closes the door behind him. “I didn’t… It’s more complicated than that.”
I scoff. “Everythingis complicated with you, Benson. But it shouldn’t be. Are you going to Australia or not?”
“Maybe. I haven’t signed the deal yet.”
“You’remaybeabandoning my company next week?”
He groans, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not going to abandon you, Avery.”
“It sure feels like you are.”
“It’s not that simple. I’m trying to figure out what I—”
“Do you hear yourself?” Tears prick at my eyes, but I hold them back. I need to get this out, and then I can let myself cry. “Benson, if you’re thinking about going to Australia next week, we need to call this what it is.”
His eyebrows dip low, and he takes another step toward me. I step back, and his frown deepens as he takes in the movement. “What are you saying?”
Something I probably should have said that first day he showed up at Rose & Quill. “I’m saying you clearly don’t want to be with me, so I’m not going to waste any more of my time trying to convince you otherwise. I’m not your priority, and that’s okay.” It’s not okay, but what can I do about it? I’ve been fighting a losing battle from the start.
Benson swallows hard. “Avery.” That’s all he says, which is pretty telling on its own. He hasn’t fought for me before, so why would he now?
I take a shaky breath and pray I can keep my voice steady. “We should go to bed.”
He glances at the bed behind me, and though a spark of desire lights in his eyes, he backs toward the door. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“You can have your bed,” I argue, even though the thought of sleeping in a common area of the house when my heart is breaking sounds like the worst.
Already pulling the door open, he shakes his head, pausing halfway into the hall. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. I think he means it.
I’m sorry too, but I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud. I think I could have spent my life with this man, but he clearly has no room in his life for me.
“Goodnight, Avery Grace,” he adds, waiting a few seconds as if expecting me to reply.
I don’t.
The door clicks shut. I don’t move. Not until my knees give out and I collapse onto the bed while my few remaining hopes crumble around me.
Chapter 30
Benson
Idon’tknowhowlong I’ve been staring at the ceiling, but the soft strip of light peeking through the curtains tells me the night is finally over. Not that I slept. How could I have possibly slept last night after everything?
Sighing, I roll over to my side and take in the way the line of light rests in the middle of the family portraits mounted on the wall in the den. Naturally, the light divides my picture from the rest of the family’s, highlighting the way my picture hasn’t been changed since high school. McKay and Kimball have their whole families with them, Mom and Dad have each other, and then there’s me.
Alone.
Always alone because I mess everything up.
My body aches, not so much from the couch but from the exhaustion that runs so much deeper than my bones. It’s in mysoul. Every time I closed my eyes last night to try to get somesleep, all I could see was Avery’s face. The pain in her eyes when she made my choice for me.
I never wanted to hurt her.
But I think hurting people I care about is all I’ve ever been good at.
Sighing, I dig my phone out of the couch cushions and blearily look at the million notifications waiting for me. I half expect one of them to be from Eric, like he would have sensed how thoroughly I did exactly what he didn’t want me to do and hurt Avery, but he’s been radio silent since Thursday. Strange, with how intent he was on reminding me to stay away from her.
